Heng's Asylum

My Last Entry....

2006-03-02T16:24:00.002+08:00

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the door which is opened to us" - Alexendar Graham Bell

*btw i have compiled a list of 999 inspirational quotes..feel free to ask from me i have the soft copy which i compiled myself =]

This is gonna be my last formal entry...after which this blog is officially closed.
Ytd...1st march.. was the release of our final A lvl results... the one which all of us had been anxiously waiting for..but for me.. i thought i was pretty much prepared to receive the results..but i was wrong. I had to return my blazer along with the rest before i could get back my result slip. In the morning met up with the usual guys..played awhile and talked like the good old times in njc. In the hall arn 2 pm..hearing mrs cheng making her usual lame boring speech.. i couldnt care less but kept wondering and started to feel worried about my results.. i had no idea whether i did enough to catch up on my studies.. after so much shit that happened..It was my turn..my CT allowed me to take a glance at my results... i was totally shocked..it was very much worse than i expected to do... i tried damn hard to hold my back thoughts and feelings and to cool myself down.. i was damn sad inside..i could feel tears trying to come out of my eyes.. i tried damn bloody hard to hold it back.. and ppl kept asking abt my results made it much worse for me.. i couldnt talk...as i speak im bound to cry out...wtf man..its so unlikely of me to be that sad...but i was that sad ytd..i just didnt felt like talking abt it and trying to put it aside..but i couldnt as much as i tried..the words from my mouth indicate clearly that i was crying..i could only just shake my head and hope others would understand me..the grades on my result slips.. is a total eye sore to me... i knew i would be able to do much better myself..and didnt expect that to affect me that much.. i really have only myself to blame.. to have wasted time, energy and attention on totally worthless things and ppl... if i should've known things earlier..things wouldnt have turned out so bad for me...the results i got.. was so far from what i wanted...when i first step into NJC...i was totally down ytd.. really sorry to those which i daoed.. i know alot of my friends tried to ask me my results..but i daoed them... sorry for my bad attitude.. i was afraid as i speak.. i will just cry out and embarass myself... actually to think abt it.. my results arent really that bad..but to me.. i find it rather a pity ...thats why im sad...pls dont ask me further or try to console me.. there's no need to.. i know things better myself... i really should start thinking for myself from now on.. my future.. which i didnt really do so in the past... some of my friends who i know... really contributed alot to the school.. yet attain bad results.. i really feel sorry for them...yet i really appreciate their undying effort towards making njc a better place for everyone.. alot of ppl are celebrating..though there's nothing much for me to celebrate haha...anyway i really wanna congratulate all my friends who have done their best and did well for their A lvls =]
Ytd night i started to think back.. my past 2 years in njc..i could still remember the first day i step into njc...the first non-friend person i talk to... the first friend i made..the first classmates i have...it was like a total new life ever since i left sji.. and i told myself i wanna make it big and do my best in here and make my life in njc a fulfilling one. I remember my council election speech very clearly...lol it was an analogy of life in NJC: started out like this... i say NJc is very much like a cooking pot in our household kitchen...every year.. a new batch of fresh students comes in..let's call them a different brand or flavour of instant noodles...which comes in a packet... the boiling hot water signifies our stress environment ...the flame from the stove...external factors like our teachers who help us...inside each packet of instant noodles...we have the main bulk of the noodles...and most importantly.. the satchet of seasoning or flavour powder...at the start of each year.. everything comes together... so living a life in njc.. is like preparing a bowl of noodles...but plain noodles isnt nice without the flavour...and it is in every batch of new intakers, there are these group of special people..who really do the extra and make the difference..and spice up the life of everyone and of the school...they are the "seasoning powders" of njc...without them.. everything will be dull and boring...and i said clearly.. i want to be part of the seasoning powder satchet..just one grain of it... one grain cant add much flavour..but with many of us.. grains... combine.. we make a difference..so give me a chance.. to spice up ur life... thats why i joined council..i wanted to lead a different life in njc...
i never regret joining the 37th student council.. i really say that it is the best there is... we are totally great.. in all we do.. though they are times we dont see eye to eye.. alittle compromise sets things right... many things we face conflicts..but we all pull through in the end..everyday was full of life for me and the rest..but we all wish to bring life to our fellow school mates as well.. we do our very best to make njc a happening school and enthu environment...but sadly there are people who dont share the same wishes as us... some ppl really have biased views against us.. as if we are against them or something..but after all.. we are all students.. we arent some crazy slaves driven by our teachers....we help drive the school...and i tell u..its not easy task maintaining a bridge between the teachers and students... we are like the middle man... lol we take all the shit from both sides.... and we process them and make it turn out well..its hard work..but we all enjoy doing it..its nice being a middle man of the school..cuz u tend to know many secrets ...lol both from the students and from the admin... many things to mock at too lol..what i can say is that.. being in council was wonderful... but the major thing i sacrificed the most was my academic studies... though my background was rather good..i could not bring out the best potential in me... cuz i couldnt get myself to study... even after stepping down...i couldnt study... bothered by too many things.. the only regret i had was that i was unable to focus on study..and think for myself..sometimes i find myself... thinking for others more than myself...in the end..i lose out in any competition...its time for me to really start thinking for myself... though sometimes i find it quite a selfish act...especially when u do things by sacrificing others for ur own sake... i really hate that kind of attitude... ppl who only think for themselves...always think they're right and only want things their way... and couldnt care less for how others feel and whether their actions affect others... i will definitely not be that way... sadly i came across such ppl in my life... really affected me badly... but i was unable to get myself focus on my main work... thats why i died so badly for my A lvls... gladly not everyone had the same fate as me... it really sux i tell u... it really seemed as if.. that year.. i was being cursed or sumthing.. everything was just turning against me... and i didnt start to care for myself..and in the end.. i lose out badly in everything..but anyway... i can say that in the end.. after so much things have happened... i never regret coming to njc.. and joining council... it really made my life fulfilling..as well as the people around me... well perhaps i could've known my classmates better..thats one thing which i didnt quite do well...cant really say i did a perfect job in njc... but i tried my best as much as i could... though i think i could've done better..anyway.. its time i put my past behind me..but im sure to bring all the good memories with me along in life... all the lessons learned...be it in a painful way or easy way... i will never forget them.. really thank all the people who trusted me and helped me along the way...though there are people whom i really wished that our lives would not have crossed...really hope i wont come across such people in life...really wished i had never met them at all i say....just blame my bad luck bah... anyway read abit on some horoscope stuff.. which coincides alot of things which happened to me last year... this year is gonna be a good one for me.. turn of luck.. i will do my best in NS.. i may have failed in doing well for my A levels..but it isnt the end of my life.. but rather a beginning of my real life... i may have abit of disadvantage...but i can make my mark. Hope i can get the course which i desire..which is architecture..kinda lame for me cuz i take science subjects yet wanting to take an art related course..but anyway it has always been my childhood ambition..need to find out more about architecture course...so anyone who knows quite abt it pls tell me thanks =p. Well alot of things i've done in njc...isnt recorded or recognised..but one thing's for sure.. i know it.. and my friends know it.. and i dont desire the entire population to recognise my achievements.. i dont have to things extra to attract any attention like some ppl..who are so overachieving..and really compromised their friendship with others...hope this kinda ppl really change their attitude when they go on to working life. I was glad i was able to do my best in some things and helped my closest friend around me... including saving his life...(but he still owes me $30 bucks grrrr) u better return me ! All the best to all my friends i've made in njc...really glad to know u all...or know u guys better.. hope to see all u nice ppl again. ORA ET LABORA, Service with honour =]

*This blog is closed* happy reading ...hope we meet again =) - Heng Wee -

(wish me happy birthday) - jay chou & landy wen

2006-03-02T15:38:00.000+08:00

2006-02-14T19:46:00.000+08:00

what a lousy vday for me =/

2006-02-09T13:29:00.000+08:00

Wa Jie (Disintegrate) - Nan Quan Mama & Jay Chou (translation)

The afternoon when we were talking and laughing
The sound of the bell has been stopped
The sound of the wind lays as a temptation
I sit alone in the corner
Without you accompanying me
Even loneliness would laugh at me for being too down

The chimney beside the square
Your face is covered with the smoke
I silently memorize your softness
Drinking heated beer
This pretty scene
Would it only appear in stories

Behind your back
Time would take the past away
Time would take the scene away
Without thinking, not letting go of memories
Really want to hold your hand again
Hold the softness you give me
After crying tears still don't stop flowing

Behind your back
Time would take the picture away
Time would take the scene away
Without thinking, not letting go of memories
Really want to hold your hand again
Hold the softness that used to be here
After crying tears still don't stop flowing

Meet the rainbow
After the rain
The rainbow would appear at the corner of the street
After all the tears has dried
There will be a rainbow

2006-02-08T10:03:00.000+08:00

i just cant believe it... put my trust on a faggot and that ruined my entire J2 life....i was right all along not to trust anyone easily heh.. well done... he can continue to act all he wants bah... can go win oscar awards man seriously... but nobody's gonna film him.... i dont have to act or pretend nothing's going on.. life isnt any movie at all...why do we even have to act infront of our friends? wtf man..he wants to join police force ? lol cant even fucking think for others and only for himself.... and want to serve the public ? The day he stepped into the police force with that kinda attitude... will be the down fall of singapore police force.. i despise you. So glad i dont see him any more...fucking spoil my happy days...

2006-02-07T22:21:00.000+08:00

i am sad... yet happy... i cant decide what im feeling now.....

2006-02-07T19:44:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just feel that im a failure....i cant even make friends with one single person....

2006-02-02T00:37:00.000+08:00

well its 2nd Feb now...collected quite a number of hong baos..havent really started counting them yet hahaz.. any cny is about to be over soon...and recently i just realised something... something which may have some link to my bad luck last year..hahaz.. it all started last year...cant remember which day was it.. i did wrote down the incident which happened at the fateful day that may be the thing which affected my luck...written down in the council log book...the day when my wallet fell into the LT 5 toilet bowl lol... the main thing is that my lucky charm was too wet and had to be thrown away..its one small like ang pow -shaped like red paper stuff with a coin inside..suppose to be my year's lucky charm.. every chinese new year..my mum always bring me to the temple and get a new charm..on the charm had 4 chinese letters...alot of the charms are placed inside a huge bowl and i had to pick one.. every year.. i always picked a good one..the one with the best blessings and words on it..it just so happened that day... of that stupid moment i dropped my wallet..i didnt have any of that "luck" with me anymore..its hard to believe all these crap i said..lol but it really had some connection or what so ever... it was really since then... all my problems start to set in for me.. i began to feel alot of stress..and didnt manage to cope well..cant concentrate in study...always dozing off in classes...and later on more problems.. really the worst year of my life.. zzz im not really a superstitious guy..but this is what happened to me.. well on this year first day of cny..went to took another of the charm.. as usual.. got a good one again this year..haha better no lose it again.. im dont wanna afford risking another bad year for myself lol.. my attitude towards ppl and my friends was really bad last year.. i didnt have much patience..get irritated and frustrated easily.. shut myself up.. really not myself.. but for now ..im beginning to feel much better.. being myself more.. and i somewhat changed abit.. started to enjoy reading books lol..which i nvr done before..whenever i feel bored or abit sad... i just pop some books to read.. i felt much better..now i feel that i have alot more patience now ..haha..i think ppl do really change.. after some events ..well for me..i think i did changed alittle =) i feel more optimistic than ever ...really looking forward to my ns life.. im sure its gonna be a good one haha.. i love regimentational lifestyle =p heard A lvl results gonna be released soon... =/ im prepared for the worst already... a lesson well learnt for me....

2006-01-27T14:33:00.000+08:00

its chinese new year's eve today...and im feel very sick now..zzz flu..sore throat..my bro and my sis as well.. haiz..what a time to get sick.. cant continue my training and exercise also... zzz mebe go see doc later... last time still in njc... i never bothered to see doc even if i was sick lol .. always recover like 2 weeks later.. have to tong the terrible feeling.. just cant concentrate on doing any work bah..zz now i just need more rest.. haiz.. time is passing so quickly... so far this year has been a good one for me..so far so good haha =] i just need to learn to be more patient..and wait for good things to come.. i was too impatient in many things the previous year.. now i need to learn how to wait and camp lol .... await for good luck to bestow upon me bah...anyway come across this lame question...why does cai shen (God of Wealth) not reply u when u talk to him ? Cuz...Cai shen "DAO" cai shen "DAO" cai shen "DAO" wo de da men kou ! lol if u still dont get it.. u can go bang ur head against the wall..lolsorry pradeep if u need translation lol =p anyway wish everyone a prosperous chinese new year 2006 first =] to my friends have fun in ns i'll join u guys soon ..to those still same as me hvent enlisted let's continue to have fun and relax lol ...to the juniors who are still studying in njc... study hard, work hard and of cuz dont forget to play hard and ur efforts will definitely be paid off this year =] shall change my skin some other day..mebe next week... zzzz

2006-01-19T13:15:00.000+08:00

zzz just woke up... lol damn late.. =/ everything seems so quiet to me these days... almost everyone already in tekong except me and a few others.. few more months to go...started to train liao haha..still looking for a nice book to read..=/
think of changing my skin again. haha

2006-01-14T01:21:00.000+08:00

bah....everytime when im in a bad mood or depressed...often show very bad attitude to the rest...can no longer control...zzz real sorry guys... haiz..so far the start of the year appears to be good...but at the same time.. doesnt seem to turn out very well either...=/ been trying hard to keep myself happy...but certains things just make me feel a little disappointed...nvm...im sure things will get better.. hopefully...anyway.. orientation ...stalia estrellas finally over ...been back in sch just to play badminton wif the rest haha (actually there's another reason why i felt like going back sch....=/ )...didnt really join the fun in orientation... just felt that we were out of place lol...we feel too old i guess..anyway is the j1s and j2s turn to have fun.. which we had our turn last two years...just watching the next batch of njcians enjoy themselves... we feel contented already..everything makes us recall abt our past 2 years in njc...mass dance... station games..war games... dance party... bbq nite...it was great back then.. hahaz but kinda boring...just to sit and watch ....haiz..if only dc and the rest were still around... mebe we could've all done something crazy during this orientation...now that orientation is over... better start to continue my plan in the next 3 months...need to find some books to read... wonder if anybody got any recommendation ? haha pls gimmeee.. or lend me ur books if possible =p ...gonna continue to do some more self reflections too...
though i didnt get any chance to talk to her... but i really feel happy for her.. that she had enjoyed orientation =] will really take much time.. before we can really start talking as friends again..=/ but im sure that time will come =]

2006-01-11T22:55:00.000+08:00

Was waiting for time to pass at busstop at the evening outside njc busstop.. (cuz i forgot to bring my house key...nobody at home)...watching cars zoomed pass the road...skies began to darken ..anyway was flipping thru my wallet.. felt bored..and i came across this note in my wallet...a yellow piece of paper...on this paper was written in bold letters : " Remember, Effort is only fully rewarded when one refused to give up"... This words struck me deeply...it was given by my chem tutor last year before my A lvls...miss jessie koh.. she was very nice and was one of the very few people who believed in me...really appreciated all her help and her message of encouragement.. hahz....njc..really have nice teachers i must say..not all are as bad as we think...i actually feel fortunate to have teachers like mr davidson, miss koh, mr teo ...i think they are one of the best teachers around in njc..if only all the teachers are like them or almost like them..njcians would have a more meaningful time in njc..anyway... that above sentence...im sure it will definitely help me in the future to come...whenever i feel down..just a look at those words..will surely perk my spirits up haha..i hope these words do help u guys too in the future to come.. bear these words in mind =] service with honour

2006-01-09T23:43:00.000+08:00

if u all havent really notice... the only times when i ever blog is when im very bored... or when i feel depressed or upset =/ so this blog is kinda sad one lol..haiz.. start to also take note and recall... all my problems started since the end of 2004... the start of 2005... which i started to blog....=/ sometimes being too happy all the time.. isnt really a good thing... others cant really tell the times when u are really sad or disappointed.. it somehow feels alone... being that way =/ no one to reach to... when u really needed someone by ur side... just to listen to u.. or what..

anyway...today was the proper start of orientation 2006 njc...hahaz...the atmosphere really reminds me of the past... stupid pradeep came late again.. was in sch arn 7am.. waiting like an idiot in the canteen alone...so many ppl in different secondary sch uniforms..lol the sight never fails to amaze me again..well watched the walkining of the ogls... solaris..known as schiara now... very lame..but interesting as compared to the rest..think they done quite a good job there ahaha... just a different kinda of atmosphere they bring out compared to us... played badminton ...alot of badminton... at a point of time i felt as if my arms were breaking off.. felt some intense pain... zzzz my shoulder joint... wrist... mebe i stressed my strokes too hard or something.. or im doing the wrong way haha...watching them teach mass dance again.... at first wanted to learn..but suddenly lost interest... seems weird.. most probably because i felt too old to mingle wif the crowd lol.. the rest feels the same as well.. but anyway watching them do the mass dance..is entertaining enough for me.. hahaz..really missed my orientation 2004 and 2005...it was great fun =] now just hanging around in sch... more of a sightseeing experience rather than joining the rest...

everytime i see her... she always seem so busy =/ sometimes i really wish that i could help out in anyway...sometimes i really wish that there's time for us to just have a little chat or so =/ but it seemed there isnt any opportunity...sometimes i feel that she's trying to avoid me or sumthing...i really dont know...haiz... if i just sit down and do nothing... nothing's gonna change for sure...so before its too late...i better do sumthing...at least try to..

2006-01-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

6 days have just passed since the start of this new year.. so fast...been back in sch these days to play badminton... zzz one by one.. all my fellow brothers left me ..lol going ns...alot of them enlisting very early in jan... only me.. and a few others.. who got late enlistment in april...got roughly 4 months left till i get enlisted...well next week will be fun week for orientation.. most prob going back and see... not really very keen in joining the activities.. just feel too old lol. but watching the young ones have fun.. really brings back good memories of the past =] just watching them play and laugh.. i somewhat feel abit happy.. but these days getting more boring... among the few of us who have late enlistment... have other committments... pradeep.. obviously spend time with his gf...brent also lol... derrick yc.. mapling lol..go back school.. i somewhat felt alone =/ feel abit sian..really alone..all by myself bah.. haiz.. i dunno how am i gonna last the next 4 months.. but i roughly thought abt what to do already.. next week most prob just crash orientation.. after which..

1. Start going library borrow some books to read. Which i never done before lol. Most probably borrow some books regarding philosophy or what sort

2. Training up for ns

3. Checking out details for the courses in Uni

4. spend more time outside home

5. __________sumthing sumthing (really dont know about this long term issue =/ haiz....i feel lost )

wonder how the rest doing in ns now.. haha heard got good food there.. =]

2006-01-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

If just feels great to be back in Njc again =] hahaz

2006-01-01T02:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL !!! =]
Finally this dreaded 2005 year is over ! and here comes 2006 haha... pretty sure this gonna be a good year for me =] anyway just reached home ...now its about 2.33 am... yc and the rest decided to stay at hotel rendevous overnight haha... town and cityhall area is a total chaos man..damn crowded...other days we heard of cars running over people..tonight was people running over cars lol...people are overwhelming the traffic.. and the cars cant do anything...jaywalking everywhere..cars cant move...haha wrong place at a wrong time to drive man ..anyway today being nagged by the rest then decided to join them in town to spent new years eve outside...met deep shaun yc derrick yang joe desmond in town.. ate at swensens.. then afterthat a few of us went to the new lan centre at cine..OMG it rocks man..some e-gaming center..totally new and cool place at 9 storey cine...just opened..played cs source for my first time lol.. cant get use to the graphics..too realistic sia.. and hard to see people hiding in dark corners.. played there for like 2 hrs.. then later went to basement lvl foodcourt eat abit..in the end decided to pang seh yee leng;s party =p headed to fullerton watch fireworks.. the crowd was huge...but the fireworks was spetecular... its been awhile since i ever last seen fireworks at close proximity =] really wished that someone was watching with me.. wonder how the person is doing now on this new year;s eve and first day of 2006 =/ anyway this is my first time that i'm out of home for new year's eve and stayed for the new year haha..used to spent the last few years at home msn.. nudging everyone online saying happy new year ! haha..getting outof the place at fullerton was a challenge..walk damn long and far..everywhere we see people..took very long to get out...then met keefe and jiali near cityhall area.. then accompanied jia li managed to catch the last train home..and took cab frm amk station.. now back at home ..hahaz... everyone is in a festive mood =] great to see that... im sure 2006 will be a wonderful year for everyone.. especially those who didnt have a great year in 2005 like me =/ im sure things will definitely get better haha..shall go sleep liaoz.. nitez all =] once again happy new year!!!! 2006!!!
time sure past quickly....2 years.. life in njc is over ...sad or happy ? i really dun noe haha

zz

2005-12-30T02:22:00.000+08:00

Zzzz... i need to start exercising... on 27th december only played badminton with deep for 3 sets... yet now im feeling aches all over me lol .. my ass is cramping too ..my shoulder..my back.. my legs..my hands... and especially my wrist..ouchzz lol no stamina sia.. but all these pain cant be compared to the ones i felt emotionally this year... =/ well anyway... it is in sadness... we value true happiness =] .. tired..i go kun3 liaoz nitez all.. hope everyone had a wonderful xmas

2005-12-28T19:22:00.000+08:00

christmas is over...
hear all the well wishes from here and there... anyway merry xmas to all =] before i forget....this christmas isnt as fun as before to me..=/ not really very excited about recieving any gifts from anyone... hahaz..cuz me myself dont even know what i really want... talking abt gifts... the only one that i really appreciate most was from my mum haha.. she got me a personalised cap just because i merely mentioned that i wanted one.... anyway.. on xmas eve...went town wif rard deep silin hua brent.. ate at seoul garden.. then later went arn to shop for xmas stuff... haha rard accidentally walked into a piece of glass wall in ARt friend shop lol.. damn funny la.. orchard was damn crowded these days cuz of xmas.. everywhere u see people.. damn sickening haiz..on christmas day itself stayed at home.. haiz. nth to do... so as the day after xmas... only on 27th december.. went school in the morning to play badminton wif deep.. he brought his gf along la.. and kinda like left her at one side while we two are playing... feel quite bad for her also.. it happened to be the ogl camp for the juniors ytd.. looking at them doing the cheering, mass dance and row call.. really reminds me of us last year lol.. the difference is very obvious.. im sure the rest of the seniors will noe LOL .. the white orientation t-shirt...i dunno how to describe... its FUGGLyyyy lol so glad that our year shirt was much better hahaz =p their mass dance seem more fancy ..but being too cheem may not really turn out well during orientation bah i guess..not everyone will pick up the moves easily and think might be hard to teach the new j1s... but anyway shld just keep my comments to myself bah.. its the juniors that are running the show now not us anymore..but watching them do things really brings back alot of memories... later on in the day.. together wif mel rich deep yeeleng jk shaun met at orchard wisma and cabbed to diana's castle for our council xmas party..BTw thanks rard for organising a great party =] turkey was great haha.. so as the pasta ..also thank di for letting us use her house for this year's party again.. nice meeting her two kinky incest dogs once again lol.. always forever making out and humping infront of the guests =p brother sister summore haha ...
so fast.....the year is coming to an end .. =/

Fin ? part 1

2005-12-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

Finally, after such a long time since start of exams until now, managed to update my blog haha.. made the new skin from scratch and design everything done by me =p with the html thingy help from Yc, derrick and shaunie.. THANKS ALOT =]
havent blog for a very long time ... sighz.. maybe didnt have the mood also..everyday just watching the hands of clock tick by...everything is just so stagnant now... some of my friends already went in ns haha.. wonder how they are doing now... some going in next year jan... but for me and some others.. march or april zzzz... now i just have so much time and i wonder how am i gonna spend them.. used to dread that i didnt have time in the past... well.. grad nite 8th december was cool..but i find it quite ok only bah... highlighted my hair gold..got new shirt and a set of blazer and pant for prom... stayed at hotel rendevous with dc and the rest haha.. play that lame x-men game on ps2... had my first clubbing experience..but it sux man..R&B music.. just dont like lol...alot of smokers la.. damn irritating.. but i wanna go Ministry of SOund...just opened.. haah so anyone interested ? =] then after that went kopitiam eat abit and hang arn till 4 am plus.. then went back hotel to sleep.. hahaz..pity that i didnt have a camera for prom.. damn dumb la.. cant take pics... everyone looked so good on that night =] ...life getting kinda stagnant for me now.. everyday nothing to do.. no plans.. just play maple dota everyday....zzzz... i just wish this year would end quick man.. christmas is coming... and i dont even feel it actually lol..tml going buy xmas gifts wif rard and the rest for the council party exchange.. i dont even know what i really want for christmas... heh.. nothing intangible now perhaps... when i was a kid always wish for toys and other stuff.. as i grew older.. i ask for less and less... lol and now nothing.. just wish for nothing.. i just want peace... no stress.. =/
My life in njc.... year one.. were my best days of my life =] mainly cuz of council haha .. though there was work always... but i enjoyed doing them..and willing to do more for my peers and for the school..thats when i somehow started to like njc.. njc is such an interesting place to be in...the culture is so unique.. and varies year to year...one thing's for sure is that the culture set by us... the 37th council and us 04 batch guys... definitely rock hahaz we made njc more alive and happening... still remember i was in arts class 04A01 for the 1st 3 months lol..everyday just play ... heck studies... then later on switch to triple science and wOOOOoooOO$#@%@ lol can still remember the day i picked up the council form.. decided to run with leon for fun.. haha and both of us made it in =] shiok man.. along wif many fellow josephians.. the start of council.. the start of work lol... starting was abit shaky.. but later on we are strongly bonded together.. dedicated in our work towards making njc a better school...all the events... NDC....TEachers day...Halloween party (this one totally rock !)... open day...ORientation 2005 (LA FaMiGLIA)... and many others... for all who have participated or witnessed these events...sure would agree wif me that njc aint such a stone school afterall..infact more happening than other jcs *ahem like the one opposite us lol ! even our mass dance owns la... still remember year one... we kept doing mass dance everywhere and everyday
in council room...student lounge...student lounge was our 2nd home...everyday camp there..before sch assembly..even after sch assembly go there slack awhile..pon lessons lol..perfect place to hide from teachers and sleep.. do work..discussion...NIrVAna man haha i missed the council room alot...but i missed council more...2004... the best year of my life =] well.. my studies all the while like shit lol ...ever since i stepped in njc.. nvr really felt like studying actually... still remember.. me and pradeep and the rest of the councillors.. always play badminton at the grass patch just outside the student lounge... play during break times... during free lessons.. laugh so much and until we disturbed ppl having lessons and teacher complain and make us stop... still remember the two trees there...leaves were all green..now all fallen... so sad ..but going there sure brings back good old memories...miss the pubstunts... (yeah we rock in making good pubstunts lol ) hmm i guess i've managed to travel and explore the whole of njc already..including the secluded area behind the pe office...need to crawl thru a hole in the fence..quite creepy there ahah ...remember seeing a sofa deep inside a shed like place and alot of shuttlecocks(flew down from gym).... so much memories.. just hope i can remember everything when i leave njc... afterall..the only thing u can bring out of njc.. is just memories =] my life in year 1 njc was definitely a fulfilling one..enjoyed my time.

A's finally ended

2005-11-25T15:05:00.000+08:00

As said above... gonna find some time to redo my entire blog... zzzz

Prelude of the end

2005-10-14T13:45:00.000+08:00

This shall be my last entry till the end of As. Time sure passed so quickly, just a blink of the eye, almost two years have passed. Though it may be a short period for some, it seemed never ending to others. Now i only have one obstacle to clear, which is the final A levels. My results so far aint promising at all lol. Ever since i stepped in njc, got into council, never had the mood to study at all. Its just all play and council work. I really liked NJc alot. It is indeed a place with many different faces. Through council, i grew to like njc more. Every work i do, i know is for my school, for my fellow friends and teachers. The sense of satisfaction of accomplishing something for people is incomparable to things you do for yourself. Alot of tears, happiness, moments of disappointment and anger, these were the feelings we bear before in NJc. Two years isnt alot of time, yet it is enough for many things to happen. Remembered what kenny said to us before :"10 years down the road after leaving njc, when u look back, u laugh at our tears, and tear at our laughters". I totally agree with that statement. When we really look back in time, be it happy moments or unhappy times, its still worth remembering and recalling. We learnt from our past mistakes and gain more understanding on how problems arise, so we do our best not to repeat them again. Forgiveness doesnt bring back the past, it only widens our future. Forgetting, that's what many ppl often to. Forget about unhappy things, forget about ppl who have touched ur life or the lives which u have touched. I hate to forget things, i always keep memories in my mind. Anyone in ur life that upset u or angered u, forgetting them may be an option, but do always keep an open mind, and forgive the ppl. Forgive those who have sinned against u for those u have sinned against will forgive you This way, u will lead a more meaningful life. Anyways, my prelim results : BDEO .....not a very promising one... still remembered i once said i wanted to get all at least C. Well, seems like i'm still badly distracted. There's not much time left for me. But there's no way that i'm giving up hahaz. To all my friends, let us all work hard together =] let all our grudges and unhappiness go and help each other achieve greater heights! Good luck to everyone =] all the best

p.s. anyway the new song on my blog is from final fantasy 7, for those who have played the game may have found it familiar =] enjoy

zzzz

2005-10-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

there's not much time left to A levels.. yet i'm still quite lost in my studies... crap man.. there's too many things that i still dont know and yet i find that there's not enough time for me to find out... zzzz and dont really seem to have any mood to study...am i really gonna screw my As like this ? =/ haiz...
my dog just lost all her teeth lol....wad the hell..she's getting old...has been wif my family since i was primary 5..she was still a puppy back then hahaz
just got my own atm card made..lol that's damn late la for me...i still havent try out using the card yet haha..dun ask me to treat u =p i dont know how much i have inside my account..
stupid games keep tempting me.. wad the hell...
zz mebe a little pushing from someone would help haahaz

Towards the end...

2005-10-06T17:03:00.000+08:00

Finally got all my results for prelims back....zzzz well nothing to be very happy about... definitely not the grades that i wanted and said before.... =/ only bio was ok... got a B...rest all screwed up totally... dunno wtf am i doing.... cant concentrate at all in my studies..too many things running in my mind... some of my teachers already gave up on me... wad the hell..more and more ppl gave up on me.. now its left only me that believe in myself... should be able to cope with that... heh..this two years in njc... i havent been really studying... i dunno why too... well my maths teacher saw through me and approached me...asked why am i not studying... i asked myself too...lol....and he guessed my problem correctly...so observant haha....council gave me hell lot of stress..and this year.. even more from other stuff...its really overwhelming for me... and i screwed up prelims totally... wtf man... now A lvls is next.. i still in quite a daze... trying to get into the mood to study.. if not i seriously gonna screw up my future...alot of bad things happened... at such timing man... wtf was i doing this year....so many things messed up...nobody can take the blame besides myself... heh... its been like a wake up call for me... to start focusing on my exams... and really becoming back to my old self again =] today went to school for bio make up lecture... and settled the nyaa book... yeah.. gonna use this long weekend to start my revision..hope nothing comes in my way... i need all the encouragement i can get... if no.. its ok hahaz i believe my luck is gonna change for good ..from bad this year.. to something good at the end of this year =]shall be my old self again.. as happy as ever ... though i still may be distracted by certain things... try to put them aside...and settle them next time....

My oWnage study plan lol

2005-10-01T14:34:00.000+08:00

Post prelims

2005-09-27T21:43:00.000+08:00

wooT! finally managed to change my blog template..haha much better now...yeah anyway... prelims ended last thursday...haiz... when i get back all my results first den i comment on them....tml or wad.... =/

2005-09-14T22:58:00.000+08:00

its not even half way through prelims yet

anyway wouldnt expect to do well either

but its not too late

well quite abit more to go

dont know why but i find it hard to speak up

i'm scared

goes against what i really want to

but i fear the consequences it might bring when i talk

i must bear responsibility for every word and action

i've caused enough problems and unhappiness already

no more

though its hard for me

for now i just want to concentrate on my studies

i hope i can

feel half dead already

but i'm reviving the other half of me now

be as happy as i used to be

or even better

for myself and my friends

most importantly for the person i care for the most

what's done cannot be undone

there's no ALT F4 function in life

that is what makes certain things more valuable in life

these intangibles we treasure and cherish

Suffered but learnt my lesson

nobody can live alone in this world

that is why there are so many people around us everyday

we need one another to live

a more fulfilling life

so help one another

your friends

make them smile everyday =]

2005-09-10T16:28:00.000+08:00

To change who i used to be ? lol =p sji is simply too good haha

2005-09-10T02:36:00.000+08:00

i still love the 37th Feedback Unit... we are just too good man hahaz =] really enjoyed the times together

2005-09-09T00:43:00.000+08:00

lol back in the old times.... me in center...on my sides are my cousins =p

Till after prelims

2005-09-08T23:29:00.000+08:00

hahaz..i feel much better already...thanks guys =] all my friends.. but kinda late cuz prelims just a few days away...couldnt really concentrate on my studies back then..well there's still time left for me to catch up hahaz.. hope everyone is studying hard ...guess i'll blog only after my prelims...gonna change my template...this one's kinda sad ... change to a more happier one =] good luck to everyone in their exams =]

2005-09-07T20:47:00.000+08:00

Return to innocence - Enigma

That’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocence.
Love - devotion
Feeling - emotion

Love - devotion
Feeling - emotion

Don’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don’t hide
Just believe in destiny

Don’t care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don’t give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocence

Don’t care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Don’t give up, don’t give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don’t hide
Just believe in destiny.

omg.. cant get myself to study... LOL

Real rose vs Artificial rose ?

2005-09-06T18:29:00.000+08:00

have you guys ever wonder...whether to give ur dearest person a real rose or an artificial rose? well for those who dunno what i'm talking abt... think abt the deeper meaning of these two gifts...

Real rose.. symbolises real love for the person.. the sweet scent.. the smooth texture.. everything is appealing...it is real and sincere..however... it doesnt last long...it dies sooner or later cuz its deprived of the root system.

On the other hand.. artificial rose.. lasts forever! *duhh.... lol can symbolise the affection for the other party is forever and everlasting..however...its fake.. its shallow...and its not really that sincere as compared to giving a real rose.

LOL..so which to give? definitely cannot give both or dont give at all right? hard eh? hahaz dunno why but i always like to think of analogies to many things in life... this is one dilemna which not everyone would think of everyday..now that i've asked..lol u guys sure wonder and ponder abt this =p

So what will i do ? If i were to give my dearest person a rose...i'll get a potted rose plant instead.. hahaz =p to me... real love and sincerity matters the most... i rather not have shallow and unsincere thoughts lasting forever..it somehow feels like u're being cheated all the while...the rose plant.. in order to keep it alive.. has a price to pay... which is taking care of the plant..so it will last forever ..till the end of our time =] hahaz so to think about it... good things in life... always come with a price..not in monetary form..but intangible things..if no care or attention is given... the feelings will die..just like how the plant would if u dont water it everyday...but rewards are sure wonderful =] so we must always put in effort in whatever we do and give attention to everyone around us..cherish everything and everyone..that makes our lives more fulfilling =D
what about ur views? hahaz

2005-09-05T12:12:00.000+08:00

One life..make it worthwhile...so before you die...you can really look back...and go with a smile =)

bah cant concentrate in my studies...so bothered by many things...but still have to concentrate... =S

reflections...

2005-09-04T19:56:00.000+08:00

Nobody really cares how much you know.
Till they know how much you really care.

came across this phrase...stir up alot of thoughts in me.. lol..yeah been wondering..how come this year is so bad for me... i wasnt being myself for many occasions...there are times i couldnt control and let loose some anger... in the past i was able to tolerate everything...and control my emotions..now i find it harder...maybe its just that there's too much stress this year... mainy because of council...ahaha..i learnt alot from council..u just have to control ur emotions..because if u dont... others will be badly affected..in work.. or in personal life... there's alot of ppl out there who doesnt share their problems...i'm one of them actually..but sometimes i do share them with my closer friends..whom i can really trust..but most of the time..they are busy as well..or have other committments..so many times i have to be alone hahaz..but i'm used to being alone..its peaceful..but boring...our world is so interesting..there's so many things i dont know..and yet i wish to know... i felt kept in the dark this year..there are friends around me..who dont trust me at all...maybe cuz i showed bad attitude when i was really under tremendous stress..but that's not me..i'm hardly angry infact..my close friends would know abt this.. while for those who dont know me well..i'm dont get angry easily...just not that sort of person who bears grudges with anyone..i dun need any enemies in my life...but i definitely wouldnt want anybody to mess up my life either lol..nobody would...the most i'll just get pissed for awhile..and after some time..i'll forget abt it..cuz its not worth remembering...being positive will definitely bring us far in life...even when times are down..we can still pick ourselves up and continue with life...surrender is not an option...we only have 1 life...live it well =] what is life actually ? what is the purpose of living ? lol i bet alot of ppl dont ever think of this..some do but dont really know...well i kinda have my own answer to what is life....life...we all start out some potential..but possess nothing else...everyday in our lives...we work for our dreams.. our goals...we improves ourselves...to make us better ppl..some times we do stupid mistakes..but most importantly..we learn how to handle setbacks...turn over a new leaf..change...improve ourselves..and be even better...however those who dont...suffers ..not only they themselves..even the ppl around them..ultimately before u die in ur deathbed...u really take a look..recall ur past...what u have done...what have you achieved? have i become a better person than i was before? u will then be able to die with a smile...knowing that you lived well and you truly lived... a wonderful and successful life.. kinda good to know that..singaporeans are starting to encourage ex-convicts and help them turn over a new leaf and carry on with life... everyone in the world deserves a 2nd chance... even though how bad he is...most importantly he learns from his mistake...if u just sentence the person to death...nobody would gain anything...and he would feel remorse as well..if he had wanted to make up for his wrong doings...hahaz but too bad certain things just dont give 2nd chances to us...like our A lvls examination...lol u do it well..u enjoy..screw it...really screws up future career..but that doesnt mean ur life has ended...its just another obstacle to clear before u can have a fruitful life =]
kk i shall go concentrate on my studies..rather than talking crap here lol

Passion pursuit day / dinner with Mr WonG~ =]

2005-09-03T16:39:00.000+08:00

man.. ytd reached hm damn late...super tired as well...that's why i didnt write the entry ytd..so i'll write it down..after finish a few chapters of my bio.. hahaz
ytd morning reached sch...lol and started to play magic the gathering card game with dc...i havent played it since sec 1...lol i still remember i used to play card games with my bro everytime..now we no longer play them though..brings back some good old memories..but anyway lol i only managed to find my bro's deck..and used it to play with dc..omg dc's deck are geared towards tournament ones la...his deck is specially designed to own..lol thats why i got owned badly..he got alot more expensive and rare cards than my old deck hahaz ..and i noticed sumthing after assembly at the parade square..suddenly saw her looked at me and smiled at me..i was kinda shocked lol.. i dunno why but ya...and i didnt react in a proper way too..too much stunned i guess.. yeah..but anyway i'm glad she's happy now.. =] though we still havent really patch up things ...i'm afraid to talk to her...im scared that i might just say wrong things and scare her away again lol...=/ tads why i'm still alittle sad..cuz its like.. i wanna talk to her..yet knowing that now ...the more i try to..the more she will be disturbed..ya.. so dont hahaz.. anyway..i went for the DJ session by mr yeo, mr lim and miss wong at lt4 with hui yang...the initial part kinda boring..cuz it was about rock music ...sian diao..den later proceed on to MTVs of the late 70s, 80s and 90s..lol..they showed us damn damn old MTVs...some even date back to MRs cheng;s time lol... such as ABBA, Beegees...michael jackson.damn funny la..after that i went to hall to join the rest.. play badminton =] but stupid teachers dun allow cuz i didnt bring my pe shirt..sighz..den i had to stone and do nothing for a while...went to the rockwall later with derrick..and saw the campcraft section..lol nobody was there at all..so two of us just went over there to fill up the crowd..hahaz =p den started to tie an A frame..but i failed lol..forgot all my tying skills..den dc came along and me derrick dc started to play magic cards again.. afterwhich.. we went back to play badminton till arn 1 plus..den decided to go have dinner...we went to coro to eat lemon chicken rice..hahaz.. den pradeep as usual.. later pang sehed us... dunno go back sch..left me derrick kenny dc and jason we went to yio chu kang grass roots club to play arcade..lol *we supposed to be studying btw... 20 cents arcADE! damn shiok and we completed the time crisis 2 game..later around 4 plus almost 5... derrick and jason zhao.. left me kenny and dc... we had to kill some time before meeting mr wong and the rest of the councillors for dinner at jack's place orchard...den i suggested we go swimming complex lol... i didnt have shorts so couldnt swim..dc and kenny went to enjoy themselves in the pool.. arn 5 plus we head for the MRt to town..den later mr wong suddenly called and say he can give us a lift lol so we took mrt back to KHatib and joined him..and free ride to ORchARD muahah =p we tok cok along the way in the car...and when brent called me .. i said "we are on the car" lol den tio suan by mr wong.. should be" in the car"...but wadeva la hahaz.. gp very bad =p cuz chinese we normally say "zai che shang" tads why got mixed up...hahaz but still cant beat brent's legend ... filtering without a funnel and only just the paper and ask why the paper keep dropping in during chem pract lol..reached jack's place ...and met up with the rest of the councillors =] about 18 of us were there with mr wong hahaz..talked and crapped alot..and took photos..later we presented mr wong with some gift...a board with a collage of pictures or msgs we wrote...*we wrote some just outside the jack's place before we ate lol..yeah he was really touched ...he even paid for our meals in the end ! we didnt expect that..we wanted to give him back the money but he refused la..so we decide we just get some gift for him and invite him to our prom night at the end of the year =] mr wong is such a nice teacher..sad that he left NJC and went to yjc..i think the council really needs him haha it was quite late a night liao..den we went to scotts to drink coffe bean...talk awhile more till arn 11 plus..den decided to head hm with the rest...reached hm arn 11.45... tired already...juz bathed and went to sleep hahaz
i gonna make good use of this holiday to study..try my best to keep distractions away from him man.. i dun wanna fail anything tis time.. ultimately i wanna do well in my As.. i wonder how she is doing now ? busy with wad ? hahaz.. miss her quite abit..but i will control myself =p

2005-09-03T00:32:00.000+08:00

To ....:
what u say abt letting go is true... but its one sided...what abt the other party ? what about him ? has she really thought abt how hard it is for him to really let go such things...its hard for me really...but i've already decided...though i think i didnt make myself clear the previous entry..i really respect her decision...if not i wouldnt have agreed on the break up long ago..but after some time.. i find that it was rather a pity to have broken up like this...at least not by those reasons..cuz i wasnt able to be the real me wif her yet...or too slow...but i know its really all my fault...i wasnt ready..and i really made her suffer throughout the time...tads why now i juz really want the best for her...to let go for now...cuz recently i've been bugging her alot...trying to talk to her...approach her..but i realised now that what i've been doing is totally wrong...i'm just making the situation worse...and most of all...making her feel even more uneasy...i made another stupid mistake and i hope its not too late to realise it...been consulting my friends..who are girls abt the issue..i now really understand how she feels...and i noe i'm just ignorant..unable to see through her feelings...but i really wanna noe how she feels...i really care for her deeply...cuz i really like her alot still...i wanna be with her.. i miss her dearly..but i've done so many wrong.. and seems like i wunt be able to get another chance...ex-convicts do get 2nd chances..but i think i've overdone it =[ yeah its my feelings that are driving me crazy sometimes..that i somehow kinda scared her...as i try to approach her many times..and its really making matters worse..though i really wanna be with her...wanna share my happiness with her..but most of all... its her final decision.. i really respect that..and i want the best for her..for now... i really juz wanna concentrate on my studies..i've been too bothered by this already...after the break.. i was mentally unstable for many times..but now i'm finez and i learnt alot from my mistakes already... i only hoped that..i'm able to really show the real me to her..abefore she makes her final decision..then i can really give up...for her future happiness...everyday i'm curious abt what she is doing lol ...not really stalk but juz wanna find out more abt her..i really wanna know more abt her.. as well as let her noe more abt me... i know now she doesnt really like me anymore...and there's hardly any chance for us to see each other...i'm juz quite sad sumtimes cuz of that... =/ i really wanna bring happiness to her life...that;s all i really want to..well in a relationship.. i find that for it to be successful...200% effort must be put into it...100 % from the guy and 100% from the girl..when one side is unable to give that 100%...the other party can give more than 100%...to really sustain the relationship..cuz i know that every crisis and bad times that couples can overcome.. love will grow every stronger..understand each other better that way...its hard for me to let go..cuz i feel alot for her..but now i'm willing to...so i can concentrate on my studies..at the same time.. let time heal her broken heart..and really forget abt all the bad things in the past..and hopefully...things can start from new... i dun mind...as long as there's another chance to start over all again...i dun care how long it takes...the process and outcome matters me more =] so now i'll really lie low...and dun disturb her that much for now...ya.. so ".....", i hope u can understand how i feel haha...what u say is true and i agree..juz that i didnt make myself clear in the previous entry.. giving up and letting go is different =]

*shrugs

2005-09-01T19:23:00.000+08:00

today...damn ....salty.....i mean very sian3... lol kk wadeva..rained heavily at hougang here in the afternoon...weather so shiok...i always liked the rain.. rather than the sun...lol for a few reasons bah..cooling weather...relieves all my stress...and most of all.. rain cleanses everything around me...and removes all the crap and washes them away hahaz.. and the scenery after a rainfall..is so beautiful and pure... well from the beginning of this year..i wasnt able to be myself fully... there are so many times that i become very negative abt things... =[ alot of ups and downs this year.. for me.. and for the rest of my fellow sji mates lol... i love sji man..the environment.. everyone's attitude.. really rocks.. =] the feeling there is always high all the way... no such thing as depression.. mebe alittle stress from teachers here and there lol ...but every josephian really looks out for one another..and there's never been any conflict among anyone of us.. like a band of brothers.. we stand up for one another..defend each other... lol kk enough of that haha.. i'm in NJ now.. wad the hell.. haha council... can say really screwed up part of my life... affected my mentality alot... really had a hard time keeping a positve and optimistics mindset ...but i tried anywayz =]this year has been real tough for me.. really tested my mentality to the fullest.. made so many mistakes that i couldnt imagine... yeah what;s done cannot be undone.. i shouldnt just latch on to my past.. its a waste of time...all these unhappy things dont deserve any place in my head lol just delete them in my recycle bin bah..
But now.. i feel different..but at the same time... back to my old self again.. hahaz i learnt so much from all the experiences =] feel more knowledgeable.. consulted alot of my friends for studies and other stuff.. yeahz i feel much ok now infact.. hahaz really appreciate all my friends' help =] for once i really have to seek help from u guys lol ..cuz normally i juz chuck all my problems and forget abt them... but realise i couldnt anymore hahaz.. well.. certain things do have to let go for now...my games...and other stuff...yeahz.. but doesnt mean i will forget them lol ..i will still get back to them after my studies... =] hopefully things will get better for me .... GOD plsss lol ..enough torture for me.. i already learnt my lesson hahaz
well tml is passion pursuit day.. gonna play badminton and play magic the gathering card game.. lol den later study bah... and at night join Mr wong for dinner wif the rest of the councillors =] hope tml will be a good day for everyone
Smile always =D

Happy Teachers' Day =]

2005-08-31T18:12:00.000+08:00

To diao 1/.... :
I agree that anger doesnt get me anyway..i know it myself... all along...anger is just a feeling...and expression...the only important thing is what u do to express ur anger...definitey i'm not going arn killing ppl to vent my frustrations or whatsoever... it doesnt bring me any good in that..or good for others...anger ...its just an emotion...everyone has a right to have feelings...and either show it or not show it out..what matters most is how ur emotion affects others...to me..the feeling of anger...only makes me realise more things..and learn more...in that way... i can do things better..for myself..and for the ppl around me... letting go...to most ppl...that's the easiest and best way to a problem...avoiding it...forgetting it...letting it go....most ppl dont realise...how giving up affects others...ur friends..ur family..the ppl who are close to u..who always believed in u... by letting go...i'm not only letting myself down...my friends as well...and the ppl who believed in me...letting go may sumtimes be the best option...but it can only solve problems on the surface...deep inside...the amount of damage is insanely great...to either both sides.. or just one... if i let go....and move on... i wun noe how to approach similar future problems.... Am i just gonna give up anytime i face a problem ?? am i just gonna leave everything to fate or luck ? am i just gonna sit down and do nothing and pretend nothing happens ? it will hurt a person's feeling...be it ur friends or urself...what's the point of living.. if u just give up on everything..then there's no meaning to life...what for stay alive...we set our goals... we go achieve it..no matter what it takes...and even if u dun.. at least u noe.. u didnt waste ur time... giving up..and changing goals...all the time was spent on working hard for that fixed goal in life...focusing on fixed goal.. make things better..cuz we improve ourselves... every second..every minute..every hour...every day...every month..every year.......till we are much closer to our goal...to me... i'm just working hard for my future happiness..and i'm not letting go so easily..can say i'm stubborn..but i dun think it is... some may think i'm obsessed...no i'm not... i have a problem.. i face the music... overcome the obstacle..be it seem impossible..i'll still try..cuz that's me =] hahaz opportunities come once in ur life time.... if gone forever...there's no way to get it back...now i still have a slight chance...i'll make full of it...if i fail.. at least i noe i've done my best...and there's more for me to learn and improve on... currently i'm letting it go..for the moment..cuz i seriously needo concentrate on my exams...after exams i'll see what i can do..if there's still hope for anything...why am i not letting it go fully ? its not cuz of ego..or what...it cuz..she has made a very huge impact in my life...and i strongly believe that she'll be significant in my life...present..and future...so diao 1..i dunno who u are...but i hope u can understand me ya hahaz anyways studies determines part of my future..and i needo concentrate on it first...regarding that issue..it also determines part of my future...and it will affect me alot in my life...she mean alot to me...but seeing her happy wif her classmates and friends... i couldnt be more happier myself actually =]
anyway the previous entry was the first and last time i'll ever put any negative stuff on.. hahaz

well today was teachers' day lol..reached sch early and checked out the 38th student councillors preparing for the teachers' day celebrations...really brings back good old memories...remember the times when we the 37th were out there..doing what they were doing..except this year...lol they are doing things abit last min lol.. we had our stages prepared the day before the celebrations.. =p first thing we did was the lame aces work out lol some combat fighting thing..led by my maths teacher TEO TZE WEI lol armour offcier sia..dun play play hahaz.. his gloves damn extra la... and damn funny seeing him teach us the moves..haha but anyway..the usual siao gang .. we gathered at the front of the stage...centre of parade square to do the dance enthusiastically lol... damn fun actually.. ahahz cuz we doing all together damn seriously ..and make all sorts of weird noises with it...the cool down exercise damn gay la..the moves..one of them seemed like we were praying to mr teo..lol ..anyway this year's aces work out...is much interesting..mebe cuz next year going army hahaz.. really sweat alot...yeah good job for mr teo and some teachers as well as the western dancers who led the work out =] went on the performances...lol the sad thing is that..the mic keeps screwing up la.. and some of the singing really badly affected by it..especially the j2 singers...the lead singer's mic not working at all lor..but conintue to perform..quite a pity...oh ya..this 38th student council production... lol really nice..good job guys =] damn lame and entertaining yeahz..keep up the good work .. =] after the thing ended... me pradz jason derrick hui yang kenny went back sji ...managed to catch the performances...lol the difference of the standard of performances ah.. are worlds apart lor.. lol firstly its held in the Performing arts centre..PAC..AIR CON...lightnig effects solid... sound effects much better..and the MC is much more entertaining lol ..SJI still the best la... lol really loved my alma mater SJI.. proud to be a josephian =] teachers of sji performed as well... yeah unlike this year for nj la.. so sad...haha sji teachers are enthu lor...hmm one of the songs sang by the teachers...named "two steps behind you"... i kinda liked the lyrics..but i can only remember the chorus..it goes like this
"...Whatever you do, i'm be two steps behind you. Whereever you go, i'll always be there to remind you. That it only takes a minute of your precious time, turn around. I'll be two steps behind you."kinda grasped my attention..find it meaningful hahaz..
after the perfomances went to staff room..met alot of old friends..brings back good old memories.. lol =] all the crazy stuff we do back then..and the teachers...haha good to see them as well...and went to say hi to the muslim stall uncle lol he still recognises me haha =p later we joined dc and yc went marina square..lol played lan and den ate at SAKAe.. lol totally shagged la..dunno why...mebe cuz of floorball ytd and aces workout today...the sakae at marina square damn nice..the seats are kinda weird..dunno how to describe..ur legs sink into the ground so u sit on the ground on a mat.. lol..luckily dc aint mad today..only ate 1 chawanmushi each ..hahaz..den after eating..all totally shagged liao..decided to head home...hahaz yeah.. better continue my study...hmm passion pursuit day on friday.. lol i think i going for the DJ one and the magic the gathering card game...and mebe go around see whether got any nice thing... hope wun be wasting my time there =p
till i blog again =]
HAPPY TEACHER's Day

FUCK

2005-08-30T19:48:00.000+08:00

dunno why but...today i feel a great deal of anger in me...for alot of things...lol anyway i ponned the entire lessons today...self declared PE lessons all the way..lol first period join dc's class play soccer..den we headed gym play alot of floorball...den played handball wif my class..and bball wif dc and the rest...damn tired today...and i strained my left ankle abit...yeahz..luckily never sprain...and i cut my right side of my lips..lol all bcuz of my classmate who accidentally backed into me and knocked her head against my chin..i think her head more painful lol..yeahz..totally tired out today...tml teacher's day..wonder what the 38th has put up for us.. =]

yeah..as i was saying..i'm starting to feel pissed..at alot of things....FUCK this year ...FUCKING WORST year for me...DAMN ALot of fucking bad things all bestow upon me...made me realise that i really lost alot... WTf man..

If everyword i say means nothing or shit to u...if my presence isnt significant to u at all.... i tell u this... i rather not have ur friendship at all...i rather not to see ur fake pretence everyday..... i rather not u have this kinda attitude towards me... thanks for "SO MUCH" "HELP" from him... his "HELP" really do wonders.. what i say doesnt have any meaning to u... so what's the point trying to talk to u... if u continue to have this kinda mindset... so wished that things would've been better if not FOR U ... THANKS for bring so much depression in my life...THANKS for lying...THANKS for giving me FALSE HOPEs.. THANKS for letting me LEARN so much abt the kinds of ppl around my life...THANK U but go share ur problems else where...if u dun even trust me at all...for i've always trusted all my friends.. go find him~ go... like u always do
I admit my statements are very negative and biased to an extent..but this is just my expression of anger and nobody has ever told me another side of the story...no such shit will ever come out from me again...what's the point man...nobody cares how i feel..for some..i have enough of this game of urs...

*sorry for using harsh tones and vulgarities...lol mebe makes my entry sound more interesting..haha =p

Gp prelim! aHHHHH lol why panic ?

2005-08-29T16:53:00.000+08:00

oh yeah.. today is our gp prelim paper... lol finally done and got over with it...essay question i did question number 2.. "is there still no more room for imagination in the classroom"... well that's the only topic which sounded ok to me.. rest all cant do lol.. too me kinda hard to start that's why..but for this question.. seems ok for me..so i chose it..haha and i wrote about 3 pages and a half liddat... lol and still had about 15 mins to sleep after finish my essay..seems quite ok this time for my gp... next was the comprehension... lol at first kinda scared of it.. cuz i totally screwed my previous one at common test...yeah but this compre seems better... except for the summary qn...lol cannot find the points la... i believe the rest also feel the same way...wad the hell man... lol.. think this time can pass my GP =]

my throat got worst today...kept coughing non stop during the paper...and runny nose too... the feeling sux sia..almost couldnt concentrate on my paper..i popped one of the herbal lozenges which my mum gave me..OMG... the effECT of this CHINESE SWEEt..WUDI sia lol like 100 times more strong than a normal strepsils... i almost couldnt breathe... lol..ownage ... after the paper me dc pradz yc alvin and jason went 6th avenue to eat..den later go back school play bball and handball..hahaz i sick but i still play lol who cares.. =p den later went to sl play UNO...we are really damn siao la.. exams coming still have fun ..but i like it =p but there's always time set aside for my revision yeahz..but now ..my sickness is really pulling me down.. crap man..still have strong irritation in my throat..cant stop coughing... i hope it gets better tml..also notice alot of ppl sick as well.. hahaz take care guys =] heard poor kenny got a swollen eye today and pon GP prelim lol..i hope he's better now yeahz..

well..things arent really going as well as i wish ...haha but definitely better...take it slowly =] and patience is the key..

Sick before exam...

2005-08-28T15:24:00.000+08:00

oh man..cant believe..i'm sick...just before my gp paper...few days ago felt my throat tingling...now its badly inflammed....cough damn alot...and this morning woke up to find myself down with flu as well...feel terrible sia..long time never kenna sick...and tml is my gp paper..lol..i'm sweating alot now...cold sweat...horrible feeling... now have to rely on strepsils and panadol cold to suppress my symptoms..hope i can recover fast..lost my voice... sighz..mebe its a sign from heaven to make me stay quiet...lol alot of ppl sick these days as well..do take care guys =] and good luck for ur gp papers tml

i've decided....

2005-08-27T00:09:00.000+08:00

i've already decided....after long thoughts...i think i shouldnt do anything or think so much for now...i think it will make things worse..i have to really hold back all my emotions and feelings for now... currently...she's giving me cold shoulders... i feel damn upset... i really dont know why...our relationship has been reduced to friendship and now to dunno what already...she doesnt even bother to talk to me.. or be interested to talk to me anymore..i'm just like some thrash ....more like a toy...which has flaws..and being placed aside and no longer give any attention..sometimes i really feel that my feelings are cheated..the way i'm being treated now... i feel damn sad.. cuz i really have alot of feelings for her...but she doesnt even care now... =[ i cant imagine the state of the situation now..i try to understand how she feels...but i just cant understand why she is like this now...im really damn upset...its like all that i care about is gone...i got nobody to turn to..and especially when i needed one...my other friends are busy...sighz..i guess my fate is really that bad afterall... i tot this year would be different.. i was wrong... =[ so i decided for now... i'll stay low for the moment..concentrate on my studies...and after my studies i'll get back on this... i really hope that i can tell her that.. i like her alot... she's one special person to me... irreplaceable... i wonder if i'll ever get another chance... not even good friends now... i'll just wait...till she talks to me... =/ there's so many things i wish i know and i wanna tell her... but she always say she's busy and all those... or isit that she's still trying to avoid me or what.... i really dunno...i'm at a lost...nobody can help me........ T_T i can only help myself...

yeah anyways.. today isnt a good day as well..2 casualties i've seen today... first was huilin...i hope shes fine now... 2nd was during the floorball match at around 5 pm.. a guy twisted and tore muscle near his ankle..big swelling yeahz.. and ambulance was called...lol i think the ambulance thing is abit too extra la lol it wasnt that serious i guess...just painnnnn! lol i wonder why ppl always react so much towards such minor injuries...yeahz..the worst thing u can do at such situation is to panic..and worry the casualty...most importanting to do is to stay calm..and get proper help from professionals.. yeahz.. and not to complicate matters haha well... i've not been feeling well these dayz...can say love sick..and also abit of throat inflammation...just now went to eat dinner at bukit panjang plaza wif dc kenny hui yang yc pradeep and chok lol..first time been there..food damn bloody ex...and it was my first time on board a LRT lol ...damn cool la..the window screen turns opaque whenever the LRT passes by HDB flats... i filmed the transition on my fone..damn tired today...and sad =[ didnt talk to her at all.. when i reached hm...i kept coughing till i puked lol... yeahz..abit gross ya..but dunno why la..whenever i cough alot..i have the urge to vomit...and the feeling really sucks... =/ maybe its because of depression.... but anyways...focus on my studies first....and get good grades...cuz now...i dun feel that i deserve to talk to her at all...or at least she feels that way...i dunno...i wish i know...=/

One down... two more things left to do =]

2005-08-25T17:52:00.000+08:00

yeah.. finally cleared my napfa and got a silver ytd.. hahaz... wooHOo! dont need to go in ns early... so i have plenty of time after a lvls to do what i want... yeah i would need that time real bad... cuz i have lots to do before i go into ns =p but after a lvls i still wanna train myself up before going in ns... so wun go inside and suffer hahaz..after napfa ytd.. at night i was still quite awake..but the next day totally shagged lol...went school early today at arn 6.50am..and started to sleep lol ...nj is such a nice place to sleep in... hahaz i still remember the days as councillors when we sleep over in school..so much fun back then =] yepz..well dunno why but i blog so much these days..haha perhaps thats what ppl do when they have nothing better to do... well... can say that i've cleared one of my main things that i wanna do for the end of this year... still two more to go... wish me good luck =]

=]

2005-08-23T17:04:00.000+08:00

haha i dunno why but i feel much happier now these dayz... much better already... i guess i'm back to my old self..as cheerful as ever..yeah but sad to say that.. i know of some of my friends who arent happy still..some still stressed up... upset..depressed... yeah hope they can be better soon..and that i can do sumthing to cheer them up =] so start by be happy myself first then i can slowly spread
i have this tendency to destress myself before exams.. like talking cock wif my friends..play cards... or what before the exams... it somehow benefits me alot.. cuz i will be able to stay calm.. and relax.. instead of stressing myself out for the papers.. yeah advice to all of u... if u think u've done well enough.. u deserve a good break.. and u're ready for the test =] its not long till our first paper gp.. which is next monday... can say i'm kinda scared..i'm mentally prepared but still not enough hahaz do my best anywayz and stay focus during the paper =]
tml got napfa test retake.. its suppose to be the last one... well can i pass? lol 50/50 chance.. cuz my jumps i still short of like 4 cm to get silver.. yeahz... the rest all can do with no problem.. last time used to struggle with pull ups.. with alot of encourgament, self motivation and not to disappoint others... yeahz lol i trained and can do alot already... effort has been well paid off =]especially thanks to her =p who gave me support and encouragement the other time...now left my studies to prove =] ALL at least c and some Bs hopefully... my goal

Sianz...

2005-08-22T20:09:00.000+08:00

another boring day... sighz.. damn tired as well... =/ the day didnt turn out as well as i hoped for.. feel so tired in lessons... and played pool wif yc and deep and the j1s lol.. we are damn tyco man... hahaz.. win alot of times =p physics make up at 4.30 to 6.30.. and i just reached home around 8... haiz.. i hate the traffic around that time.. the bus 74 always come so slow... and very crowded often... yeahz anyway... today.. when we see each other.. we only exchanged smiles..and said nothing much... deep inside me.. i have so much i wanted to tell her... so much to talk to her about ... yeah but i can tell that she's still feels uneasy talk to me... i can understand that.. =/ so i just gotta wait..and wait..and pray for the best..sighz...i see her so stress everyday.. by studies and cca... how i wish i could do sumthing to relieve some of her rest.. to cheer her up...but my attempts arent very successful to me =/ i just really hope she can cope well..and i can do something to make her feel better ... hope for a better tml =]
i'm so bloody hungry now... where's my dinner???????? ^%*$&(&^(&^($*&%$%@%$#@

2005-08-21T21:13:00.000+08:00

I'm Calling You - Reset

You came into my life,
And i was so confused.
Made it also clear,
That i could never lose.
I was waiting for,
Another rainy day.
Then you came along,
And took it all away.

The rain just keep on falling,
When you're not around.
When i wake up i am calling out your name.
I can feel a distant calling,
Now that i have found.
I can see you when i close my eyes to pray.
I'm calling you...

You know as time goes by,
You made me realise.
That you're the one for me,
Your love is no disguise.
When you hold my hand,
And tell me that you're mine,
It feels like heaven.
True love is hard to find.

The rain just keep on falling,
When you're not around.
When i wake up i am calling out your name.
I can feel a distant calling,
Now that i have found.
I can see you when i close my eyes to pray.
I'm calling you...

And its cold outside...

2005-08-21T17:31:00.000+08:00

A cold sunday..it is raining non stop =/ well kinda symbolize what i'm feeling now... cold...lonely... sad... lol .. no warmth..no life... hahaz.. yeah..mugging from morning till now... i dunno why but these days i have alot of urge to blog lol.. i still remember i once stopped blogging arn may..and only started again recently ..what a huge gap..but in that gap of period.. so many things happened...things happened so quickly and i dunno what's going on lol... i find myself gaining ...and losing alot more.. sighz.. prelims are coming... i better increase my pace of studying... =] glad that the exam time slots are very widely spread...so got more time to study..haha the only bad thing is that our exams end later only..but i dun mind.. as long i can do well in my prelims... yeahz..i feel so empty.. these days.. cant help it.. especially when no one talks to me... =/ haiz.. everyone is so busy with their own stuff... well its ok.. =/ there's always time when friends cant spare any time hahaz.. online whole day.. nobody to talk to.. sianz.. i dunno how long more will this kinda situation go on.. i'm slowly sinking back to depression... =[ somebody save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

i'm so bored...

2005-08-20T23:03:00.000+08:00

haiz..i'm so bored..besides doing my maths today... there's nobody to talk to.. my life is starting to get boring =/ sianz..everybody is busy with their own stuff...and nobody to chat wif lol... only a few who came online..but not for long also.. =/ been doing my maths infront of the comp..hoping for someone to talk to me lol ..ya anyway..i'm so bored that i went to google search engine..i typed my own name and searched..lol alot of results from the search..i found many ppl with the same name as me LOL =p cool sia.. all them are well known doctors.. professors..especially one... KAREN TAN HENG WEE o_O ..lol alumni member of NUS faculty of LAw lol...my name is unisexual !!!! amazing huh ? =p

i feel relieved now..

2005-08-19T19:45:00.000+08:00

yeahz..i'm glad that everything has come to a much stable situation now...well to me.. its a new beginning..a fresh start..the past is a game over lol ...but i'm glad there's a continue option to start again... picking back my studies quite well now..and napfa retest next week.. hope the rest of the year...would be a better one for me...since the start till lately... it hasnt been a good one...many ups and down... =/ cant blame anyone for that.. but only myself..yeahz.. enough of that haha.. look into the future.. make up for what i done.. at least that will make me feel better.. =] my green bean plant died finally.. hahaz..but still havent throw yet lol sighz.. i cant help but think of some parts of my past... yeah... many questions and answers i wish i knew... out of curiosity.. i felt being kept in the dark last time..so many things i dont even know at all... =/ yeah.. i wanna unlock the secrets of my past this year lol.. sounds crappy but.. yeah.. i wanna find out hahaz i feel much better now..but still not very happy =/ yeah its like sumthing missing in my life still.. =/ well hope as time goes..it'll get better =]
this year aint a good one for all josephians in NJc.. we faced so many problems... haiz... next year definitely be a better one haha =]

Dont die my PLANT!!!

2005-08-18T18:23:00.000+08:00

i see my green bean plant...its at its last moments already haha.. if u get what i mean..dying..because the fertilizers ran out..yeahz..its deprive on nutrients..it made me realise...how fragile a bean plant is as compared to a relationship..lol its a perfect analogy i think..green beans sprout very easily... and quickly established roots and grow into a seedling...just like a relationship can go that fast..as the seedling grows bigger...the more it needs...and its cotyledons no longer have enough food reserves to supply the growth..and if there's no other source of nutrients..it begins to become weaker..and eventually die...and no matter what... u'll never get that plant back... =/ sad huh? yeah it is...alot of experience and understanding is needed prior to these kinda things..unfortunately.. i didnt have enough of those...as a result... "my plant died"..and there's no way i can get it back...another thing i wanna say is that... all these while.. i've never blamed anyone for what has happened.. i wanna say especially to my friend...him.. that i'm not angry or pissed with him at all... i was right never to wrong him at all..luckily... i just managed to clear slight doubts today finally.. yeah i feel much better as i didnt really wronged anyone...besides only myself.. yeah.. im really sorry if i affected him alot..cuz of my misery.. yeah i hope he dont really feel bad..cuz i heard he is cuz of all these... i guess i'll go talk to him personally about it =] well in the past i never wanted to talk to him abt this at all.. cuz im worried that i might screw things up instead...but however.. if i leave things the way it is..it wont get any better as well..now i have some confirmation.. i can go settle the misunderstanding amongst us.. yeah =]
One person being sad is bad enough already.. its worse if everyone around gets affected too... now i rather keep all the unhappiness to myself.. i dun wan it to affect my friends at all...i rather suffer in silence than to see my friends being upset.. =/ yeahz cuz all these things that have happened.. its entirely my own fault.. it'll be very irresponsible for me to blame anyone else..and upset them... i rather be the only one getting hurt.. its ok =] i'm fine with it..it has been like this all my life for me...yeah btw i heard some ppl say i'm suicidal or what these dayz...say i'm unstable.. lol i laughed when i heard this la...i may feel like shit now...but i'm still very rational and have a clear conscience in what i'm doing and thinking.. maybe awhile ago i was abit unstable.. yeah..but managed to control myself and think clearly hahaz.. so dun worry that much la.. =]
yeah i last heard her said.. she said she's no longer affected by this.. but sometimes i see her...she still looks very depressed ...that really made me feel damn sad... =/ cuz i never ever wanted it to turn out this way.. i feel like a total stranger to her...now in school..whenever we see each other.. we didnt even exchange greetings at all..not even a smile or what...or bother to look twice at each other..i cant look at her face to face.. i feel ashamed to look at her...cuz i've let her down so much.. that i cant make up for it..i really want to.. T_T i suppose i must let time to heal.. she suffered so much cuz of me.. yeah i cant never remove that pain in me..to see that.. i hoped she can get over it.. if my absence can really make her feel better..so be it..i rather her be happy..than to remember me at all...cuz i think she hates me alot... i can let her go.. as much as i dont want to... i really hope to clear any misunderstandings between us..really wish i could talk to her again =/ but the more i do sumthing now.. it worse it will get... hahaz..i suck la... see how it goes...as time goes...i hope something good will happen =]
anyway i'm much better and stable now hahaz dont have to worry abt me liaoz ^^
sianz..today 3 tests...chem..physics and maths.. only have 1 lecture which is a non-test period..hahaz.. maths was much better this time.. i could do them heh heh chem quite well..physics still Err.... lol yeah more tests coming up..i shall stop wasting time here and go do my homework..till next time =]

yeahz...rubberband haha

2005-08-17T20:00:00.000+08:00

hey dc...i agree with it.. its really like a rubber band..but today.. i think i've snapped it... cuz i've been so hard to get back the friendship...that its really stressing situations out..and now there's alot of misunderstandings between us..i roughly know how she feels abt it...and i can understand why now...=[ i guess i didnt respect her feelings...and posted all the stuff online on my blog.. i merely juz wanted a platform to dump all my problems out...but it had a negative impact on her...though i never intended to downgrade her in anyway...nothing negative was said about her...i've screwed up this time...and i dunno whether will there be a come back..once the rubber band snaps...its really hard to fix it back...today...i received the last words from her via sms...i think i dun even deserve to be her friend at all now..i really lost a friend...i'm too much this time...think too much and did do much trying to get back a friendship..i guess i should've let it slowly grow...its like putting too much fertilizers into a flower pot..and the flower will die because of that...i didnt give her much space to breath...i'm sorry...i really wish i could do sumthing...but too much isnt a good thing...i shall take things slowly from now on...focus on my studies first... yeahz.. i have alot of regrets...but i'm not wallowing over them... the thing i feel bad now is that.. i cant do anything to make up for my mistakes....i just wanted to do that...just get back as friends again.. relationship sucks when u really dunno how to maintain it....i feel like shit already...yeahz..there's serious misunderstand between us...i hope someone can actually help me...but i doubt anyone would do so... i wish i could get any help from anyone...i think it will take very long.. or never ever have another chance to talk to her again... =[
..from my heart.. i sincerely wish her good luck in her studies, cca and her future life =]
i'm glad that there are many real friends around me who understand me or tries hard to understand me =]
well i do have other things to look forward too... my new life in NS.. i hope it will be a more enjoyable one =]today's maths test.. i think screwed up badly... tml i have chem..physics and maths test... 3 in a row...man.. i got home late cuz of traffic..have very little time to study for them... now i really want is to focus on my studies..enough time spent on other stuff...tired..from training today haha.. next week last napfa retake..should be able to pass yeah.. now just needo get restart my internal engines lol.. stagnant for running for quite long =p pull ups no prob liao.. yeAhzzz not much time left for my prelims...

Well i have 3 paths to choose... i already planned...after A lvls...firstly, if i do very well for studies...i'll register for medicine..and work towards being a bone specialist..(*cuz i have alot of past experiences with bones..my interest lies there =]) ...secondly if i do quite ok... i'll do architect course (*it was my childhood dream =] i always like to draw..but didnt have much opportunities the last time) ...lastly... if i get into airforce in ns...and become a pilot..i'll sign on with the army (i want to be a helicopter pilot =] hope i can get the pilot test soon..wish me luck haha)

....

2005-08-16T22:28:00.000+08:00

This is where i can really express myself fully...it is definitely one sided..but i never downgrade anyone besides myself... if anyone of u finds my entries offensive..pls kindly let me know and i will remove it..and apologise deeply for that

Heng lives on =]

2005-08-16T18:18:00.000+08:00

Well..so many days have passed... still no signs of progress..sometimes it even got worse la....she says she's still feels uneasy talking to me..while on the other hand..i've been trying to initiate conversations with her..she's treating me like a stranger...her attitude has changed totally since the start of the year.. just as if i ask you... how do u feel when u get ignored by the person u like alot... or he/she doesnt really feel interested to replying u ? that's the feeling i have now... its quite saddening for me.. its true we didnt noe each other well enough..but i believe it isnt too late or early to do so right ? cuz as long as there's an interest for each other... there's a way out...communicating may be difficult at the start...but as time goes by.. it'll definitely get better as u get more comfortable with ur partner..that's what i think la..most importantly must have that HAO2 GAN3 for the person.. before anything can start..i dont believe that her feelings for me died completely...there must still be somewhere deep in her heart..that still misses me...but i can seem to open that lock.... there's this chinese idiom...which says that u cant buy back time with gold or fortune...i really understand the real meaning now..as much as i want to turn back time... i couldnt..nobody can in fact haha..we all have one life... live it well =]

i really wanna prove to her...that the choice she made for me back then...isnt a wrong one....but its just at a wrong time...though she may be unfair to me...i still like her...cuz she is who she is...and there's nobody else in the world like her....one of a kind...i wanna regain her confidence and faith in me...and first thing to do is my studies... all these while... i'm still carrying a torch for her..."i tried to resist..but i cannot exist...i tried to be strong..but i just cant go on"...without her...LG.. i really miss u...

Thank you all my friends...i really appreciate ur concern.. =] i feel much much better now.. yeahz

For now..i'm on the right track in studies..recent chem test i got 19/23 marks lol! cuz i got study .. yeahz.. means i actually have the capacity to do well.. good to know that i have the momentum to study already... my maths still lagging behind abit..but slowly picking up pace...bio abit at a loss..while physics doing ok..i have a physics nuclear test this thursday btw..and maths stats test tml and fri.. haha hope i can do well..though it may just be a test..my gp is at a bad state now..hahaz. u all can tell from my blog entries..can spot so much errors...too bad =p as long as i can understand..i dun careeeeeee hahahaz my target for prelims is to get at least a C grade for all my core subjects...yeah..and finally all As =] it may sound impossible..but i will show u the impossible =]

*she drew this for me... nice rite ? =]

i still havent retake my napfa test..haha couldnt do pull up until mid year this year...but after june hols...i leaped from 0 record to 3 and then now i can do 7 lol pro man hahaz.. i can already pass my napfa silver..now i juz wanna do better..yep i intend to do my retest next wednesday..which is the last one.. confirm will pass ahaha..that'll save 1 month of my time at the end of this year..so that i'll have time to proceed with my plan =p *heh heh

man..today went home...got 3 dogs come and welcome me lol! omg..so many dogs...the new one...called Hairy..was brought here by my dad's friend..cuz he had too many at his house..needed to give away.. yeahz..3 dogs are too much i say.. lol and they cant get along well with each other..i do like dogs..not cuz they're cute or what...its because of their genuine loyalty towards their owners...eventhough sometimes i bully my dog..haha she still show loyalty towards me hahaz =p well so much for today...i guess i'll be doing my hw after this..till i blog again =]

Heng or Suay ? part four

2005-08-15T20:44:00.000+08:00

Continue from part 3...this is the last part:

Its been awhile ever since we got separated...yet my feelings for here are still very strong... her attitude towards me began to change soon after she became the new president of her cca..the night before the day of exco elections we were still doing well..i still remember i was helping out wif her speech that night before at ps..before she went for her tution.. i was very proud of her when she got elected as the new president.. i was happy for her =] and i was kinda worried whether she could handle all the stress and responsibilities that are gonna be imposed on her when she gets invested..i'll definitely be behind her.. supporting her all the way.. however days go by and our relationship got sour.. i really have no idea why.. after she became the president.. she started to be more close to her friends in cca... and classmates..and the other hand... starting to drift away from me.. and eventually broke up... she's particularly close to one guy from her cca..who happens to be my friend.. though he helped me before in getting to know her better...he happens to like her as well 0_o.. however i only learnt about that quite some time after we got together.. i kept quiet la...there are times when they meet up while me and her were together.. i knew it la.. i juz kept quiet.. and pretend i didnt see anything.. i'm a normal person la... like you and the rest... guys do get jealous when girls treat other guys nice or be close with another person...that's how i felt...but i didnt voice out my unhappiness much...cuz i didnt want to jeopardize my friendship with him...but now.. when i think back.. maybe i should've done something back then... i should've voiced out my unhappiness... or do more to get attention back from her.. instead of letting things happen there.. and i just watch..now after we broke up.. i often see her and him together.. sometimes even more close than me and her were before.. really hurts me alot..really...i've never been treated this way by any of my friends.. i felt "stabbed in the back"...and maybe all over my body.. my heart was crying... two person is enough for a perfect relationship... we dont need another person... i'll never probe into any of my friends relationship... though i hear many times.. that he's just a very close friend... it made me feel even worse.. that now currently... she doesnt regard me as a good friend at all...no longer does she find time to look for me... to talk.. to play chess..to play badminton.. or any thing like before...i'm like non existence in her life anymore.. that's what i feel now...=[ i feel damn sad everyday... whenever i think abt her.. and the current situation... i cant concentrate in my lessons.. my studies... everytime i tried to find time to talk to her..get to noe her better... its hard.. cuz she had other committments.. and sometimes she doesnt feel like talking to me at all... =[ the truth is that... i still like her alot...i cant forget her... throught out relationship.. i never stopped liking her... i'm always very interested in her.. only when i'm down.. i dun show as much interest... to any other things as well... all the more i cannot forget.. how much i disappointed her...i feel sad...all because of my wrong decision back then.. IT CAUSED SO MUCH MISERY FOR ME NOW... and most IMPORTANTLy.. Hurt her feelings...

I know definitely this cant go on... i cant be grieving forever... i know i have to do something.. at least to make up for my own mistakes.. so that i can really forgive myself.. and move on.. and work for a better future... i've lost her...but that doesnt mean its the end of my life... i'm still alive... i can still win her heart back...that's what i want.. cuz i strongly believe that... she's the one... she came to my life...when i was down...to cheer me up... i've no doubt abt it...i wanna noe her better first... and at the same time.. hope she will noe me better... for now... she's still very affected by the past.. i should tone down abit.. i'm scaring her too much... i dun wish that to happen... all i really want is her friendship.. even if i fail to win her back in the end.. most important i never lose her friendship... but for now... i'm more concerned with my studies... prelims and A lvls... i really wanna do well.. so i've to put down the rest of my stuff... and focus on studies... i wanna get good grades... for myself.. as well as for her.. or maybe the "old" her..i really dunno what's gonna happen after A lvls... i hope me and her can get along as friends again..because now.. we are feel uneasy talking to each other.. i can understand how she feels..yeah..

Well.. i'm almost at the end of the story...alot of lessons learnt for me.. i will never forget.. and will never repeat the same old mistakes again... its not point crying over spilt milk.. i have to do something.. make up for it.. clear up the mess =] i will work hard from now on.. for my future.. my future is still bright.. as for her.. i still like her alot.. i'll still try for her.. haha but thats definitely after my exams.. or even when i'm in ns...yep... i really hoped for the best... i need all the help i could get from all of u.. my friends =] i need all the luck u guys can wish... one Heng in my name isnt enuff... i need a miracle... =] i want back my happiness ! so guys! pls help me if ya can =] my first time ever asking from all of u..
before i end it.. i really wanna thank those ppl.. who helped me... when i was down.. and needed advice.. mainly deep, helena, huiru, and my other fellow council friends... i couldnt possibly thank u much enuff.. i sincerely thank u guys =]
Good luck for ur A lvls =] For those guys out there, hope u all learn something from my story.. and dun follow my bad footsteps.. remember.. cherish the ones around u..i will do the same from now on =]

Heng or Suay ? part three

2005-08-14T19:28:00.000+08:00

long waited part three...my story continues...

Ok let's get back where i left the last entry...yep...me and her were finally together.. cant imagine that.. but it did happened =] We both went to buy rings for each of us one day at bits and pieces.. and have our names engraved onto them.. i carried the ring wif her name on it.. i treasured it alot even till now.. i keep it safely in my wallet..always remembering her.. and she had the other ring..wif my name on it... she also bought a brown necklace for me.. and she herself got one as well.. whenever i see her wearing the necklace and the ring... i cant help but feel happy cuz i know i have a place in her heart..as much as i have her in my heart..that period of time.. she wasnt able to go out often.. as she had said that her parents didnt like the idea of her going out wif guys alone..let alone having a boyfriend..hahaz.. so of cuz she never let her parents noe abt us and our relationship.. well.. for my side.. my parents didnt ask.. i didnt say either =p i could not see her home till her doorsteps.. (*obvious rite.. or she'll be killed!) lol so whenever we go out.. i only accompanied her till the bus stop at her house and i carried on wif the busride to the mrt station and way back home... she's a really nice girlfriend.. though she said she couldnt be a good one..she truly cares for me.. concerned abt my studies.. my fitness... and everything.. she put in alot of effort in our relationship.. always there for me.. to cheer me up =]she never fails to bring smiles to my everyday life!

Time passes...but things began to change... for the worse... it was only a few weeks... after we got together... council term was at its last moments... i was really emotionally unstable... after stepping down as a councillor on investiture day... i cant help but feel depressed..i was back in serious depression... i also had an empty feeling... i didnt felt like doing anything at all.. my studies... and our relationship... i began to indulge myself in computer games...and didnt felt like studying at all... still missing council in my mind...many times she tried to approach me.. trying to cheer me up... i didnt really show much appreciation to her...even though i did felt better cuz of her..but i didnt do anything for her...i dunno why.. but.. i just didnt know what i was doing back then... i was totally lost.. didnt felt like doing anything.. just waiting for time to past... i didnt open myself to her.. and she felt that there was a barrier between us..and she couldnt get through to reach me.. i have this bad habit.. of not opening myself to ppl...whenever i'm depressed or when i have problems.. i always thought that keeping problems to myself would be better.. as it wouldnt affect the ppl around me.. but like i said.. all the stress that i've been coping.. its at my limits ...i cant help but be affected by stress..i could no longer hide my problems... and pretend nothing was going on and everything was fine..she knew that i was depressed..and she continued to try to reach me..but i was reluctant to reveal it.. i shut myself up.. i didnt share my problems wif her.. i thought i was right to do so... but i came to realise finally.. that it was all WRONG.. because of that..i didnt open myself up to her.. maybe i wasnt comfortable enough to confide to her...so she never had a chance to see the real me.. feel the real me.. all along what she has seen is just a facade... the "fake happy version of me"... i realise i was very fake back then.. because i hid all my real feelings at that time.. and only showed my positive ones... i didnt realise back then... this caused alot of unhappiness for her... she said before to me about this problem.. of her not being able to communicate with me.. i knew about that.. but because i was so caught up with my problems.. that i neglected the issue.. i didnt do much about our communication...i carried on indulging in my own ways to destress myself.. which is to shut myself up...and it really made her real sad =[ all because of my attitude.. i had the wrong mindset...=S
This continued for quite some time... we only went out a few times during the june holidays... and only watched movies..didnt do any other things...i didnt have the mood to go out at all...while she tries hard to find time to go out with me.. i really felt bad abt it..nearing the end of the hols... common test was coming.. i was playing computer games...as usual.. and only started revision less than 1 week before my test.. when she learnt abt it after i told her.. she finally broke down.. and cried.. i cant believed that i made her cried..i had disappointed her so much...i've let myself down.. and also let her down... she had high hopes for me.. she wanted me to do well in my studies... my future career.. she had made plans for our future to come.. yet i've dashed her hopes...i failed as a boyfriend...also failed as a friend to her... because of my mood and attitude.. i mislooked her feelings...and didnt do much for her...after i heard that she cried..i finally realised my grave mistake and wrong doings.. i tried to make up for it.....i was really sorry for what i've done...or rather.. what i didnt do for her...she put in so much effort for me.. yet i didnt put in any...because of that.. though we may be close in proximity.. she felt like miles away from the real me...i started to spend my time wif her after my common tests.. looked for her more often... started to be more open to her.. hoping that i'll be able to make up to her =/ but it was too late... way too late... what was done cannot be undone....she finally said it.. she had it.. she didnt want to continue with the relationship anymore... i could remember..that evening at the macritchie busstop.. she said it...i was dumbfonded...i replied..."if u think that's the best for u..i'm willing to accept"... so it all ended like this... =[ if u asked me...what i really wanted... was never a break up... personally i feel that.. any problems we face... we shouldnt avoid and run away from it.. instead we should face it and solve it..that way things will definitely turn out better.. though it may be hard... well for our relationship...apparently her feelings for me had died... i was really upset to know about it..really...i would've prefered that we two talked things out.. heart to heart.. and hoping that she'll forgive me...but sadly.. things didnt turn out what i want... my life continued... and it was the worst days of my entire life...i kept thinking abt her... and all the mistakes i've done.. everyday... everynight.. in my dreams... i could never forgive myself... for making her sad...for disappoint her..for dashing all her hopes for me...and of cuz.. made her cried... after we broke up.. i sank into serious depression..
I've never been so depressed and upset in my life before....
when we see each other in school along corridors.. she didnt care to look twice at me...it really upsets me..=[ i really liked her alot... and because i was immature... i was stupid.. i was not able to realise my mistake in time... and i hurt her feelings...everyday i wished.. she was back with me again.. by my side...back then i didnt cherish her...i didnt...why....why didnt i?

i can tell u that this is my greatest regret in my life...among all the regrets i have... that is i didnt cherish her...my decision back then.. to jump into a relationship was definitely WRONG... we should've get alont better as good friends first.. until we were fully comfortable with each other.. able to speak heart to heart with one another...before we consider a relationship.. i was too immature back then.. i never consider the consequences..it was already too late.. i've already lost her... im greatly upset about it....i really missed her... and wanted to make up for what i've done...first i lost council.. and i lost her...because i didnt cherish her.. she's a wonderful person.. any guy would desire for a gf... God had given me a golden opportunity.. yet i didnt make full use of it.. and cherish it... i deeply regret abt it... i cant forgive myself....everytime i see her... i feel sad...we are slowly drifting apart... she's drifting away towards her cca and classmates...while me.. i felt left alone in the rain.... she left me for good...

What lies before me in the future? Is there such a thing as miracles? What should i do? Does she still hate me? Does she still have feelings for me at all ? i really wished i knew all these answers...

To be continued in part 4.....

Heng or Suay ? part two

2005-08-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

Continue from part one: yeah...our relationship as friends started to get better as time goes by..and each day.. my feelings for her grew.. from a total stranger.. to good friends..i felt happy cuz it was my first time that a girl who was interested in me.. lol i couldnt imagine any girl would like me or what.. =p yeahh i suckkzzz and just one lucky BASTARD !lol =p wadeva u say man..well.. i really felt very lucky.. i was in one of my most depressed period of my life...main cause was council... lol..alot of things from council really made me sad.. her presence changed things for me.. i felt much better cuz of her..though i still appeared sian everyday.. not as cheerful as always..she's always there to cheer me up.. i really appreciated it..however.. i wasnt able to smile everyday yet..=/ or just weak smiles.. very depressing year for me..studies affecting me as well..but what i can say is that.. she made me feel much better =] yep.. finally one day.. she confessed to me.. i was abit shocked at first..cuz i never expected to hear that from her.. or even any girl..but i felt very happy deep inside me..cuz i knew that i wasnt really that unlucky afterall..and i confessed to her as well..that i liked her toooo =] She's my angel..my lucky star

On my bday.. she bought me a big blue waterbottle.. cuz she heard i didnt have any proper ones...its was really bigGGG lol never carried such a big bottle before..but i liked it alot.. cuz its from her =] Anyway...for those of u dunno who she is.. lol too bad.. slowly guess and find out.. for those who noe.. just SHUT up lol =p anyway she joined oac..dance.. chess at the start..lol so many ccas la..but in the end remained in oac..i could still remember i signed up for hockey and oac last year in the 1st 3 months..i went for hockey trainings twice and never again lol.. and never attened any oac trainings =p super SLACK ! yeahhzzz she's a very active girl..very enthu in doing things..very bubbly haha very fun person to talk to and she's very sociable...compared to me.. i'm not very sociable la.... but more of an approachable person..im more close to my old friends ....council..sji peeps =] lol alittle more abt her..she likes seasoned Jelly FISH SUSHI! i dun like it laaa ..she forced me to eat.. lol..actually doesnt taste quite bad..just that the texture abit weird..lol i love salmon.. raw ones..and she hates it.. and pay back i forced her to eat some too at sakae lol..but she still didnt like it =/ hahaz .. she also likes drawing.. she had a couple of anime drawings wif her... i also got draw...haha i gave her one my pieces.. and she also drew one for her..a picture of a guy mugging.. to cheer me on in my studies.. i keep it in my file always.. reminding myself of her encouragement..till now still works =] whenever i see that picture..i feel motivated to study.. at least for myself and for her =] She likes babieS! lol i will never forget the reason why... cuz they are innocent.. in whatever they do... and think..that makes them cute =] i strongly believe that she will be a very good mother and wife in the future.. hmm she likes mango juice as well haha for me i prefer apple.. sour roxxxx =p my life was starting to get better after knowing her.. i really felt that i was in great luck ...really happy...really =D cant describe the feeling...but i was good feeling..never felt like it before..mebe that's love.. but i dunno hahaz =p

Somewhere around march..something cropped up..as we were progressing wif our relationship as friends...she suddenly said that she didnt want to get any relationship at all..i was quite shocked to hear that.. cuz we were like getting along quite well and she suddenly said she didnt want to.. i was back to depression again.. and i didnt talked to her for quite some time...i was at a lost.. =/ mebe i was not that heng afterall..after days passed... she suddenly changed her mind..and decided to progress with the relationship..upon hearing that.. i felt much better.. its like rainbow after a heavy downpour =p yeah so i accepted her la..and we starte to get along again... we go home together.. go sch early to chat every morning..sumdays we played chess together...badminton..and go out a few times... finally in late april/may.. i felt that i was ready for relationship and i asked her on the bus..on our way home..she accepted =] i felt like i was in heaven ^_^ haha...

Now i remembered and started to ponder abt this...back then did i really made a right decision ? was it too fast? should i get to know her better first ? Was i really ready for a relationship ?

More to come in part 3 ! =p

Heng or Suay ? part one

2005-08-13T23:08:00.001+08:00

Hey guys! lol i'm back again.. after a long while.. sighz.. i spent long trying to change my template.. but didnt change much lol.. wasted alot of time trying to get my music up my blog.. yeahz.. anyways..so much things have happened for the past half a year.....happy things.. sad things...

Generally what i can say for this year is that.. is hasnt been smooth sailing for me...alot of ups and downs.. more downs than ups..sadly =/ if u ask me.. there are occasions i'm very happy.. and other times... sad like **** lol.. its really depressing....

Council...was my liFE! my everything! lol.. first year in njc.. towards the last month will council.. my feelings towards council is indescribable...i loved council more than anything else if u ask me... well...that's what an unattached guy would normally do...i was always willing and ready to sacrifice anything for council..lol including STUDIES! i totally screwed my studies the first year and the first half of the 2nd year.. *so now i have loads to catch up.. omG! doing my best to catch up... towards the end of council... especially during orientation period.. was the most stressful period of my entire life.. alot of problems...things to do...disputes here and there..not everyone can tolerate and endure the stress..there are times when i nearly reached my limits lol.. but never have i broke down before..cuz of my usual habit.. i always keep things to myself.. contain all my stresses in me.. sort of treating myself like a computer recycle bin.. keep all the junk and unwanted files.. and just click "delete" lol .. but it was soon to realise that.. all the junk and unwanted files are exceeding my storage capacities...yet.. i never spill anything out...to me i say its ok..cuz i dun really wanna affect my friends around me with my unhappy mood.. i always want everyone around me to be cheerful all the time.. forget all the unhappiness.. its not worth keeping it... BUT.. this habit of mine.. makes some ppl feel that i'm putting up a false front...feel like i'm not being myself...well.. i agree with them...i didnt show the unhappy side of me to anyone...its cuz i didnt want to.. not that i didnt have any..NOw.. i have so much unhappiness in me.. that i really had no choice but to share wif my friends...but the good news is that my friends are more than happy to share my problems wif me.. that made me feel better... it somehow went against my old way of thinking that unhappiness could affect everyone..mebe only sumtimes..i came to realise one important thing.. is that.. we CANT always keep all our problems to ourselves.. and we cant just forget abt problems... WE have to deal with it directly .. solve it.. but not leave it hanging and forget about it.. that's the way of life.. i feel much better when i go back to my problems and deal with it.. when i couldnt handle it.. i just have to ask my friends for help.. they are always there for me.. for one another =]

I have so many regrets in my life.. but from each experience..i learn more...one of greatest regrets happened not long ago.. just this year...quite a long story.. so bear with me..cuz i never shared my story wif everyone else =p i think its time for me to open up haha =]it all started earlier this year... somewhere in janurary during orientation period.. i remember clearly.. i was exactly 1 week after the start of school.. morning assembly.. and sumthing happened.. for the first time of my life...one girl approached me .. and she asked for my number ! lol i was like $#^%$&$#& ommGGGGG am i dreaming ? why would anyone ever asked for my number..? i've countless failure experiences with girls and now at the moment some girl ..actually asking for my number.. first thing that came across my mind was that it was probably a trick.. some dare made by her ogl to bully her or what.. haha so i just gave my number away to her... i only glanced her for a moment...she was from nygh.. could tell from her uniform.. she was innocent looking... pretty and cute to me =p ..well i just went on with my lessons.. and it all started like this.. such a suprising encounter..started to know her...initially just chatted on fone.. and not long we became friends... it was not long when i found out that.. it was a "DARE" at all.. it was real.. lol i couldnt believe it myself.. i could never believe that any girl would be interested in me... i cant help but feel happy actually =p but still i didnt really quite believe it.. yeahz.. learned that she played chess in her secondary school.. and we played a few games as well..lol keep getting thrashed by her...feel damn lousy la... hahaz at first i felt abit uncomfortable talking to her.. well.. i can say is that i'm a very shy person towards girls la.. lol ... next time u can tell ...around 1 month later.. we went to catch a movie for the first time.. after the movie.. i did the most stupid thing ever.. lol i sort of pang sehed her there to join my friends to play.. well cuz i heard from her that she said she joining her friends later.. so i "assumed" it was alright to join my friends.. she got pissed cuz of what i did... that was my first mistake.. yeah.. took quite some time for her to forgive me for that =S as time goes on.. i start to be interested in her =]On vday... i made her this:

(<--- that thingy there) haha i hand made myself.. went spotlight.. bought the materials.. its suppose to be a chessboard.. with chess pieces on it.. well.. actually got alot of meaning one leh..lol the queen.. got heart on it.. represents : "u're my queen of hearts" lol and the rest u go guess urself la hahaz.. =p yeah.. i really put in alot of effort into making that for her.. i never had the habit of buying things for ppl..i find that making things for a person who mean alot to u.. is really more worth it and valuable =] she baked cookies for me.. yeah though she said not very good.. but i found it real nice =]and this year.. was the first time i received so many stuff la.. lol alot from my friends.. and the only thing i prepared for vday was for "her".. flower and the special gift =p .. can say i pian xin or what la hahaz cuz i'm a lazy person =p to me.. if u really wanna buy things for a person.. ur friend or what.. u dun have to give it to the person during birthday or special occasions.. anytime will do..its ur sincerity behind in giving that gift to ur special one =]
* my hands getting tired.. more to come in part 2!.... (b^,^)b

AFTER a LONG LONG WHILE haha

2005-05-05T22:08:00.000+08:00

hey hey! its been a LONG way i say...since i stopped blogging around Februrary>? hahaz.. i was kinda caught up with council work and school stuff...yeahz.. and lazy as well..anywayz.. alot of things have changed...alot of things happened...Orientation 1 and 2 are over.. and i say its a big success on both the councillors and the OGLS part.. GOOD JOB EVERYONE =} yeahz...then came along the 38th student council elections.... yeahz.. its a longer period of time of campaign and all sorts of crap they do lol... well.. honestly speaking.. the planning wasnt really well done.. but i must say.. its still a pretty good job by everyone.. Feedback was in charge of speech day.. yeahz.. and i was the one trying to fix everybody's timeslot in the itinerary.. that was HELL man i say.. lol.. last minute info.. staring at the computer.. racking my head trying to fit in the slots without any clashes.. its damn irritating lol...but still manage to put up a nice plan ... and on the actual day.. everything went on so smoothly.. yeahz..! thanks to all the ushers who put in great effort on that day as well... another MAJOR event that happened while i wasnt blogging: PRAdeep... BASHED through the right COUNCIL ROOM GLASS DOOR lol... (KEnny broke the left one the other time last year) ... lol.. i dunno how he did it.. it was incredible.. he got two serious cuts manz... luckily i was near and attended to him immediately.. he was bleeding like hell.. i could see his fatty tissues and bone at his cut on the knee.. he had another cut on his right arm.. shaun and hui yang took care of his arm while i handled the knee.. yeah.. this incident freaked everyone out so badly ...now he's ok now.. having many stiches here and there./. haha still as crazy as ever..i must say he's the bEST com HEAD there is in council.. and he's our FEEDBACK HEAD... well... exco elections... it was ytd.. the entire feedback was damn sad...damn sad... damn sad....we didnt like the results of the exco election.. but there's nth much we could do as well...and nearing the end of the term.. i feel that... our com has been "Backstabbed"... i dunno why are the others so against us...or dunno...i somehow feel that... what i've done so far..the amount of hardwork put into serving the school via my com.. has led to our downfall...i feel damn sad... i feel betrayed..honestly speaking... i dun really like working with or rather.. dislike the way some ppl work...but that doesnt mean i dun like them personally =]juz that..i wouldve hope that they were more sensitive to us and the rest of the council... we are great... but could've been much greater...now we are almost ending our term.. the elects camp was fun.. lol.. yeahz but i somehow feel that... i wasnt involved much in it.. wished that some of us and me had a more major role to play..=/ i always like to plan for big events.. i was never an i/c for any ad-hoc..sadly..haiz.. looks like i wun ever get the chance anymore..=/ now there's still somemore time left till we really step down from council..have mixed emotions..feel glad... to take off the workload...yet sad.. that i wished i could've done even more and be a better role in council..and wished that we had worked better along side..we 37th council have grown alot better.. from the first time we saw each other.. i must admit.. we are damn good haha =] i really hope our successor..the 38th ... can be as good as us..or even better..uphold our council name in NJC

After a long while..

2005-02-26T00:06:00.000+08:00

lol.. super long nvr update.. hahaz.. cuz lazy ... and dunno wad to type as well.. ok.. one things for sure.. now is the mosquito season... damn alot of mosquito bites.. sianz....

Yesterday's class party

2005-01-23T11:02:00.000+08:00

yesterday... sighz.. had a feedback meeting that pradeep called.. at the same time.. there's also a national vertical marathon training wif oac at 10 am ... wad the hell manz.. lol why are there still so many things clashing for me.. in the end i went for the meeting cuz i was informed abt it first.. yeahz.. discussed abt the pubstunts.. dammit manz.. stupid VP..force us to cut down our pubstunt timing.. lol.. its damn hard to cut down our pubstunt..discussed abit and allocated jobs for initiatives and improvements com...ended around 12 liddat.. played abit pool.. den went to curry wok eat.. wah seh.. shiok manz.. curry wok.. hahaz the food tasted pretty much like home cook food.. but it was damn good.. hahaz.. can feel quite full eating the set meals wif the 6 of us..yepz.the uncle was nice too.. add rice free of charge... hahaz..next time must go there again.. finished eating like at 1 pm.. omg manz.. i had nothing to DO!! .... class party starts at around 6 liddat.. and i had nth to do.. nobody to play pool wif.. nobody to lan.. i called alot of ppl but all at home.. hahaz.. sux sia.. finally hui yang say he going town.. den i decided to join.. cuz i was too bored.. and dun wanna go home.. hahaz.. orchard there giving out alot of free sprite lemon storm... dun really like it ... so sour... lol me and yang went around orchard... taka...cine... hmv.. sian sia.. pool places all fully packed... as well as lan shops...sighz...and we juz walked around wasting time.. for like 4 hrs.. lol.. den around 5 liddat.. kenny joined.. but i had to leave for yio chu kang mrt... there we meet for the party..when i reached there.. only sophia..grace..weiting where there lol.. i was the only guy when i reached grace's house.. the rest of the guys came later ...den we wanted to sabo mr ducro.. but i made a mistake.. forgot the number.. den accidentally saboed grace.. i feel damn bad sia.. drink up the mixture.. but later we still conspired to make ducro drink that thing.. hahaz..i dun wanna mention what we put inside that cup.. den went home arn 11.. yeahz..ytd watched 2 movies... shrek 2 at grace's house and kung fu at home.. hahaz.. shrek 2 was damn lame..as well as kung fu hustle..finally got to watch them.. now must start doing hw

oh manz...hahaz

2005-01-18T20:13:00.000+08:00

lol.. today is my 2nd time i got picked on during maths lecture.. hahaz sighz.. first time and me pradeep laughing in the maths lecture.. den miss chua caught us la.. and i found out that she's one of the oac teachers lol..den 2day... during maths lecture..as usual wasnt listening.. but aint sleeping though.. was doing my integration tutorial den suddenly she called me! wad the hell lol.. ask me to answer some question which i obviously have no idea hahaz.. den luckily my friends help me.. den i said the right answer.. hahaz.. den later...after sch.. the pubstunt vetting.. i was walking around wif slippers and socks on hahaz.. den mr tan chih yuan picked on me.. lol gave me 1 min to go back council room change back 2 my shoes.. hahaz.. den when i leave sch.. wah seh... mr tan and mr teo (my maths teacher who also pick on me cuz i nvr do tutorials) lol... both suan me.. say i didnt tuck in pe shirt.. and wah..say i got wear shoes now ..lol funny laz.. but actually they are very nice teachers yeahz..feedback pubstunt gonna rock man! biggest pubstunt ever i've seen hahaz.. involved so many ppl.. too bad i cant get it done this week.. has to be next week.. but nvm.. hahaz got mr menon act can liaoz lol..2day pe ran outside njc.. the usual route behind njc.. haha so slack cuz we only ran the girl's route..for the guys on the actual road run..we had to go 1 extra long loop.. sighz.. sian la.. pool table not really officially announced to school.. haha but can start playing liaoz.. yeahz charge quite abit ex though.. but save the trouble of going out sch wif outside clothes.. hahaz..now managed to be able to do my integration.. slowly catching up.. quite good for me yeahz..i heard that the house camps were cancelled.. dammit! sian la.. i was suggesting to dc.. we ownself organise house chalet hahaz even better.. no teacher restriction.. but its abit more troublesome la.. anyway these dayz.. i've been hooked onto this funny hokkien song.. it goes like this:
(tune goes like the friendship dance)
I'm a chick
I'm a ken
I'm a dua chicken!
And i live in a farm where the kuey nengs are!
Wu dua eh
Wu sui eh
Long zong xi wa eh!
Ai kuey neng mai key kee
Ga wa gia kuey neng!
haha.. trying to save it to my ring tone.. yeahz.. shiok.. anyway this friday hols.. haha can miss double gp lessons! hahaz btw my gp teacher.. ms dorothy chua.. haha she's rather funny and nice lady.. yeahz.. hardly gets angry wif us.. hahaz but the way she teach aint boring at least.. yepz.. makes u wanna attend her lessons hahaz..creative way to conduct gp =]
anyway hope u guys like my new blog song..
I'M GONNA FLY!

2005-01-16T19:31:00.000+08:00

Somebody...please help me...where is my soul ?
Somebody...please help me...where is my soul ?
Somebody...please help me...where is my soul ?

post la famiglia

2005-01-16T18:43:00.000+08:00

its been 1 week since la famiglia has ended.. yeahz..alot of things to catch up in work.. but still having that holiday mood in me lol.. havent started my serious work..at least i'm starting to do some of my tutorials now.. i better catch up quick...or i will die =/ pe lessons are much more demanding than before.. 9 rounds of running for each pe lesson lol ...further more.. i had oac camp on fri to sat.. and pe lesson on that friday.. really test my physical limit sia.. hahaz.. oac camp..first day.. had our camp fire ..yeahz behind tc block carpack area..placed a few zinc sheets..sand..bricks..and lotsa firewood.. haha and not to forget alot of kero! sang songs and play games during the camp fire.. yeahz..during the evolution game.. damn suay la.. keep remaining as egg..got reach ultra man but still got to egg somehow..lol den kenna forfeit to banana dance wif the 4 others who are egg as well..the juniors went to sleep at 9.30..while the seniors remain nocturnal haahz..played cards..tok cok..and preparations for the campus walk..campus walk started at 1..me and derrick at first situated at the art block.decided to go to the female toilets of tc block lvl 2 to join xian lun..jason and ester lol..den me derrick ester and jason hid into each cubicle
and throughout the night... kept thinking and used many ways.. trying to scare the juniors..managed to get two of the juniors to screamed damn loud lol ..and the other seniors tot someone fell into the back of the slope at the banana tree area and even tried to organise a search party lol damn funny.. den around 4 plus.. i tried to stay awake..but knocked out..till like 6 plus
the campus walk finally ended..
went to sleep abit more before having breakfast after breakfast was the hike.. lol..frm 8 plus to like 4 plus
in macritchie reservoir..11 km..i think.. hahaz very long..oh ya..btw walked the new suspension bridge for the first time hahaz.. abt 20 metres above ground and great view of the scene..the bridge made of metal..but still shake wif the wind and people walking..haha after the hike.. was the outdoor cooking in oac land in njc..went coro to buy stuff..yeahz..camp officially ended at around 6.30..me kenny huiyang derrick desmond went to lt 5 to bathe..shortly xian lun and chok joined us in the council room..afterawhile..all but xian lun went to toa payoh sumo bento to eat... damn sad la.. the 2.90 meal bento set sold out..haiz..den had to eat sumthing else..after eating went to 7- elven.. i bought 2 mr softees..den got 1 hair spray for free lol.. i took green colour..if only got yellow den better =[ went home..reached hm arn 9 or 10..wanted to wait for the computer..but afterwards when i found out.. it was already the next day 9.45 am.. i slept lol for almost 12 hours..tired sia..my homeworks all havent do..yeah..sunday..i hate sundays..very restless..try to do my homework later..yeahz anyway i heard the news of rard..congrats RARD !! =] hahaz feel so happy for him.. well..guess i'm quite fated to be single in jc..haiz~

bye bye la famiglia

2005-01-08T23:25:00.000+08:00

finally.. orientation is over manz.. hahaz.. yeah.. heavily inflammed throat sia... friday night was the dance party.. kinda sad no techno played sia..when the party ended.. SOMEONE SUDDENLY FLARE UP LA.. den made everyone so upset.. and to come down next day to clean up the mess.. yeahz.. told us to get out of school in 5 mins time.. we hang around outside nj school gate for very long.. i so was hungry.. lol luckily kenny found this huge tub of kway tiao lol.. which i kept on eating.. den later got this pack of otahs.. lol i juz ate one.. knowing it was raw..uncooked.. haha..luckily didnt shit after that.... haiz~ cant wait to get my bro's dj mixer fixed.. den can bring to sch and use lol yeahz.. i love my orientation group 05S25 hahaz.. got a hard time remembering their names though.. cuz i missed the whacko game.. some of the girls quite chio sia.. lol =p quite a lively class yeahz...hahaz.. and so nice of them to bring food and drinks for me during the fiesta time. when i was up at the podium area playing music...btw.. now i have a new dog at home!! hahaha pls meet ginger! my new shih tzu! haha damn cute little thing sia.. hmm shall upload her pic laterz .. sighz.. now lessons will start proper for me.. die liaoz.. havent collect my hw.. lol.. sure die.. haizz..

LA FAMIGLIA!

2005-01-05T20:38:00.000+08:00

THE FAMILY (in italian) is NJC 2005 orientation theme.,what i can say is that.. it rulez man.. hahaz damn zai... mafia related theme.. everyone dress up like mafia gang... guns.. briefcases...suits..shades.. and mafia hats... hahahaz monday was abit boring though.. alot of admin stuff...talks by teachers...tueday was the best man...it was our official opening ceremony.. where the 6 families.. marcello, antonio, de stefano, pattriani, luciano, costello ... perfomed our cool march in.. and skits... followed by our combined skit.. SOLID!! haha i'm sure it is way much better than other JCS! hahaz go NJ !!! NJ AINT STONE AT All hahaz.. den my orientation grp is s25.. though my junior class.. but not taking same combi.. yepz.. they taking S7 combi.. 19 girls and 7 guys lol.. quite rare for such combi.. this time art classes.. got way much guys.. so weird..yepz.. now starting to noe my og grp better.. juz now went out to eat wif some of my og juniors with alvin.. went to bukit timah plaza to eat.. hahaz yeahz.. will noe them better in the next few days.. lol.. i'm totally mad liaoz... mass dance session went to dance with dc.. yeah! i rock man.. i can do all the girl's steps lol for the 3 dances... accidentally in love,, come on ever and summer nights.. cool sia.. lol looks abit gay la =p 2day we got the cca carnival.. soo.... SJI COMES BACK! lol the sji gang.. me pradz thomas rard soon kit armed ourselves wit a water pistol, in our SJI uniform! lol went around attacking the other school guys.. that are frm chinese HIGH ...CAT HIGH .. and non sji schs.. lol.. we were intimidating la.. surround 1 person.. asked him or her ... WHICH SCH WERE U FROM ? there's ONLY ONE correct answer ... lol those who didnt say sji.. receive water shots from us lol.. those who are clever.. obviously said SJI !!! haha this is how we successfully converted alot of ppl to SJI... though there are lik misfires here and there.. and hit some teachers.. lol we damn childish la.. but fun.. run around in school shotting the other sch ppl.. (only those we noe la not the J1s of cuz.. ) lol tml we gonna have our family lunch.. yeahz.. our venue is secret.. HEHEHE tml den i shall reveal all.. btw.. our orientation package rox too.. yeahz.. we rox man.. hahaz..

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2005 !!!!

2005-01-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

New song on my blog.. if u havent realised haha DJ marian - love song

2005-01-01T15:12:00.000+08:00

I like this song alot.. but the problem is that.. i cant figure out the full lyrics.. so anyone out there pls help me fill in the blanks ! thanks! haha =p hope u guys like this song too =]

Chorus
Love
Sing me a love song..
Blah blah blah (lol i dunno what the hell is she singing =p)
Feels like a bird
Approaching my brain
Is there anyone there
To sing me a love song
And all to forgot
All the pleasure and pain
Blah blah blah (... wth ?)

lalalalala (zzZZ dunno how to type)

Am i alive?
Or i am dying?

*Repeat chorus

yeah! luciano is so cool

2004-12-31T19:22:00.000+08:00

haha 2day was the full dress rehersal for the opening skits for orientation next year.. yeahz.. our theme rox man.. everyone dress until mafia like.. black suits.. black everything..shades...cool manz.. i wearing my uncle's trench coat lol.. damn cool... luciano guys all wearing the bling blings which i created.. damn nice.. golden hat.. everything else black.. yeahz..so nice.. too bad didnt take photo 2day... yepz.. other houses were cool down.. nj rocks manz ... ahahaz =] hmm think it was like ytd or 2 days ago.. a friend which i very long nvr toked to.. talked to me again.. kinda happy though.. yeahz.. =] now..juz a few hrs.. will be 2005.. cant wait till sch opens.. but dread studies.. hahaz gonna fail so badly

ogl camp day 2

2004-12-28T21:37:00.000+08:00

wah.. finally can sleep longer that night for today.. at least 6 hrs .. hahaz morning luckily dad drove me to school.. den dun needo wake up early..hmmm morning had to prepare station games. for everyone.. my station shiok la.. make water bombs one lol.. den spent alot of time making.. and of cuz.. we couldnt resist.. throwing bombs at one another.. den i started using fire hose to spray at everyone lol.. until jason use a bucket of water to splash me.. then i continued to stay wet till afternoon.. and i went mad lol.. started spraying and wetting everyone.. den half way thru.. gerard used my fone typed rubbish messages for a very errrr girl lor.. wah piang.. sent to alot of ppl.. den kah yen say she went to forward to that girl lol.. i so wanted to kill her la..i tried all means to lure her to the grandstand..den dc managed to trick her down.. i already had a pail of water ready.. lol! i chiong from behind and splash her with the bucket hahaz! shiok ar... =p .. den started to wet everyone again.. i was one of the wettest around la.. had no change of clothes.. everything wet.. den before lunch started. i got no shoes to go coro.. so i wore my black leather shoes.. with nj pe attire.. lol to coro.. looks damn gay la.. this lunch was much better than ytd's one.. shiok sia.. i took alot of food.. the best of all is the LA FAMILGIA PUNCH ! lol best drink created in NJC... which i created...ermz.. didnt reveal the actual ingredients to everyone lol.. but its actually a mix of sarsi, grape and mango syrup.. damn nice ar! lol weird colour though.. haahaz.. after lunch was the rehersal for skits and opening stuff.. yeahz.. we got alot of touch up..but i believe we gonna rock on the actual day! yeahz =] LUCIANO ROCKS !!!

Christmas party on 26th dec/ ogl camp day 1

2004-12-27T20:32:00.000+08:00

wahz... ytd too shagged... frm the party... reached hm like 12 plus.. den 2 plus den sleep.. wake up 5.30 this morning.. den went for camp lol.. 3 hrs of sleep..alritez..on 26th dec..left house around 1 plus.. to town to meet dc and hui yang.. den share cab to travel down to di's ulu ulu CASTLE lol... CASTLE why? u will noe when u get there lol =p super huge...SUPER lol got pool table ar... swimming pool ar.. dunno how many rooms.. 8 toilets at least... big garage.. big koi pond.. and 2 little cute shizus (dogs) hahaz brothers and sisters.. brother is called rover.. one horny fellow.. keep screwing his sister, GIGI la.. very sick lol.. anyway.. reached di house around 2 liddat.. den some were busy helping out do stuff.. richard busy doing orientation booklet..rard sharon dc help out in the kitche.. den i played pool for a while...time juz pass by.. had solaris meeting in between.. discussed abt the skits and cheers for the family... yeahz.. dinner time was around 5.. alot of ppl came liaoz.. haha alot of them describe their wonderful journey through the turns and corners to reach her house.. hahaz.. there was pasta.. with 2 kinds of sauce... turkey.. and later ordered pizza.. afterthat we had another meeting again... around like 10 plus.. most ppl left.. dunno who took my present btw haha.. its some red box.. photoframe.. which i put strawberry kit kat inside.. i got a box of chocolate btw...den the few of us got bored.. waiting for parents to come.. so we started spraying each other with the snow spray lol.. damn fun.. wished we had more of that stuff... wan hua's dad came around 11.. den deep, gaius, shaun ferleen we hitch a ride to bishan mrt.. den my parents pick me up frm there.. very late liaoz.. den ytd nite too tired to blog i guess....so today den write... hahaz nice party.. first time ever that i had such one...

Today is the ogl camp 1 la... sighz.. kinda irritated that teachers took out alot frm our proposal.. that we can hardly follow everything... kinda messy for us.. yeahz..luckily my parents drove me to school.. reached sch at 6.45 juz nice.. yeahz..brentz woke up late.. lol overslept..first session was kinda boring.. all the pep talk.. sianz ar...den had abit of jumping jacks..Zzz... house meeting..vetting of skits.. rubbish la.. den lunch time.. lol me and shaun mixed passion fruit and pineapple syrup.. afterall taste not bad hahaz....lunch was good.. yeahz.. feedback ate last though... after that was war games.. lol chaos sia. the first round.. i tied the yellow flag around myself.. until so tight nobody could pull it off me.. i was being trapped at the corner la.. with the rest trying to yank the cloth off me.. lol.. almost lifted me up..wah piang.. super violent sia.. ppl cannot die one..den the house capts got screwed by teachers cuz very messy..den 2nd round was very gay la... very organised.. walk nicely den shoot the house opposite one another.. hahaz..the filling up part was irritating though.. so slow sia.. everyone got wet in the end.. war games was the last thing in the activity...yeahz.. den all went home la..sighz.. i felt quite empty .. dunno why.. feel very uncomfortable.. and sianz.. hai~ dunno why too.. nowadayz.. i am not really happy myself.. sighz..cant help it...but try to appear happy only.. zZZZz tml last day of the camp.. yeahz.. den sch gonna reopen soon.. studies.. hai~

christmas is over!!

2004-12-26T00:38:00.000+08:00

hahaz.. finally back homed.. christmas is over..yeahz.. 2day i woke up at around 1 pm lol.... cuz ytd slept very late.. yepz.. 2day went to my uncle's house around hougang.. some condo to celebrate christmas with my relatives..hmm when reached there around 5 pm.. i got bored.. so i decided to head down to hougang mall to buy some presents.. lol for the christmas party later 2day (its 26 dec now that i'm typing)... walked around.. couldnt decide what to buy.. lol so i juz went popular to buy 2 photoframes.. its quite interesting.. its shaped a shopping bag .. porcelain.. and inside has free paper.. and 1 nice little hanging flower/ bee.. hahaz.. quite nice la.. den later head down to NTuc.. wanted to buy sweets to put inside that photoframe/bag... i stumbled across some amazing stuff.. that i decided to buy.. anyway i only had enuff money to buy these two----->

KITKATS!!! not ordinary ones though.. one is green tea flavour and 1 is strawberry.. rox sia!!! the greeen tea.. but kinda ex though.. btw its limited edition !! lol.. go try them before its gone guys =] ate pasta and turkey at my uncle's house.. shiookkkkk hahaz! ..and drank some heinken BEER! mixed wif 7up though.. shiok! haha but not drunk.. cuz didnt drink alot.....=p...btw only can put the straweberry ones into the bag/frame. yeahz.. later den i wrapped the stuff up and bring to di's house.. sighz.. i still not sure how to get to di's house lol.. have to go wif someone else... i guess... i still remember I GOT LOST! the other time when i was going home.. walked the wrong way.. hahaz.. received quite a couple of presents these time.. the best was $50 money lol... cuz my aunt couldnt decide what to buy.. shiok.. =p the rest of the items were useful too.. yeahz.. nort bad.. this christmas.. ate alot there too.. hmm hope later christmas party wif the rest at di's house will be fun =]

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

2004-12-25T00:35:00.000+08:00

Check out my red hair! (not what u're thinking of ar =p]

2004-12-25T00:32:00.000+08:00

christmas eve!

2004-12-25T00:18:00.000+08:00

hahaz.. 2day went to cut my hair.. went to beach road.. i love that place... cuz.. of the PRAWN mEE there..! lol.. it was my favourite since childhood.. me and my family have been going there since like dunno when.. when it was juz a small shop in beach road.. in one of the old shop houses.. amongst highrise buildings of the CBD area.. now its like super dua lor.. cant believe sia.. soup still as nice as ever... but i miss that uncle who sells the wu xiang... lol.. my dad's friend. he no longer selling.. i like the sweet sauce there..it brings back sweet memories..last time.. my past..so fun..food.. hahaz ok ok.. den went to cut my hair.. now shorter liaoz.. less messy.. haha i juz sent merry christmas msg to everyone on my fone .. lol took me damn long sia.. around 100 ppl liddat.. zZZ tiring.. now its christmas liaoz.. updating my blog.. cant wait till next year yeahz =]

MERRY XMAS TO ALL =] AND A HENG HENG NEW YEAR =]

2004-12-23T20:52:00.000+08:00

somethings i wont ever understand.. why do people nowadayz get into relationships so fast.. like juz a few months after knowing each other.. and end up breaking up cuz nvr really understand and know each other well enuff..? mebe they think they alot of time to spend.. lol

..... (final)

2004-12-23T18:58:00.001+08:00

dunno to be sad or what... hmmz..i've always keep suffering in silence...nobody to love.. or be loved.. perhaps i juz dun notice it.. yepz..anyway.. guess i'll juz view things more positively.. like i was did.. at least i feel more happy that way... now i have 1 less thing to work harder for... if ya noe what i meanz yeah lol ... at least for the moment only.. hahaz =] but not gonna do things which i aint good at.. not gonna take any actions.. till i really get the right response back

Anyway.. 2day went to school.. around 11 .. den joined deep, joe, rard, shaun, brentz, JK, Jonathan and of cuz me.. la.. 8 of us.. played floor ball at hall.. hahaz long time never chiong wif balls.. feel tired after running... only like 1 week plus left.. i must really do sumthing abt my fitness.. afterwhich we went to beauty world to eat.. wanna eat hawker centre one.. lol in the end dunno why we ended in macs.. shld've went kap instead.. ahahz ... nowadayz i keep having diarrhoea.. mebe i wun describe it.. hahaz =p very bad la.. havent been eating well these dayz i guess... tried to concuct my old mango barley drink.. not entirely successful.. cuz i wasnt using the correct stuff to mix.. hahaz.... anyway we were also toking abt sharon's .. little boy friends lol.. one pri 5 and one pri 3.. so pido la lol .... cant believe.. that nowadayz.. kids.. all starting to feel and want to be loved... toking abt RELATIONSHIPS... I'M BAD AT IT .. hahaz.. not very heng at all.. but once i ever find one.. i surely give all i have into it..something i think its worthy of ..yeahz.. afterwards.. me n pradz.. went back nj to play pool... pooled till like 5 plus.. yeahz.. den we headed home.. juz reached hm.. feel like shitting again.. arghhh..........................................................

..... (part 5)

2004-12-23T00:50:00.000+08:00

game over... so many years.. everything... wasted.. down the drain they went... hahaz.. but i hate it.. cuz i nvr liked losing things.. .

..... (part 4)

2004-12-23T00:47:00.000+08:00

I GIVE UP LOL .... that's the next best alternative....

..... (part 3)

2004-12-23T00:44:00.000+08:00

i guess i should change my name... to SUAY Wee... i dun feel heng at all.. all these while..

..... (part 2)

2004-12-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

errz... bah.. reaching the most complicated part of my life...i dun even noe how to explain ... lol .. hope it can pass smoothly.. the way i wish for it .. if not.. hope for the next best ...=]

.....

2004-12-23T00:33:00.000+08:00

Crapz.. i'm in a very bad state now.. feel damn confused.. what should i do ? i really dunno... help......me......argh.....but i know nobody can....nobody.....

zZZ failed again hahaz

2004-12-22T17:16:00.000+08:00

sighz~ 2day morning woke up at 9.00 .. den quickly checked my fone.. hahaz she scared i couldnt wake up in time.. so changed our meeting time to 12.. but later set as 11 lor.. she was early manz.. reached amk station at 10.45.. me only reached juz in time./. den brought her to hougang mall.. haha walked around den later headed for lunch at the food court.. and we bought the same hot plate.. nice sia.. but i find that the stuff they give very little now.. hai~ =p hmm hougang mall was small la.. so decided to go heartland mall.. another small place again.. lol den later head to town in NEL.. lol on the way.. i decided to ask that question.. but failed again..
~ haiz so sad.. =/ she meeting her fren at 3 liddat.. den i went home dejected .. hai~ btw she gave me a sling bag and some mashmellow sweets as presents =]

When will i ever get her? NEVER SAY DIE hahahhaz! =p
When there's a will... there is a way
Just u wait =]

ooo

2004-12-21T23:32:00.000+08:00

what a boring day... sighz.. played game whole day hahaz.. hmm sorry i'll try to get this new song up asap =p

Mind of the wonderful - Blank and Jones

2004-12-21T14:35:00.000+08:00

Like a ghost that came from old beginning
You heated up the freezing destiny
But i told myself
I had the chance to live with that alive
I'm loving someone
You..

Chorus
I miss the mind
Of the wonderful
Let the icy thoughts run through me cold
And no one knows
I keep the pain
Of a broken saw
Wounds that just won't heal
No one knows
Not even you

We have a lovely future we were honest
But my truth depends on many leads alive
Can turn the page
Can rearrange
Its written in the scene
And tide is closing in

*Repeat chorus

Cold as the night
Cold are my hands
Cold is my heart
(*repeat 4x)

*Repeat chorus

=]

2004-12-20T23:01:00.000+08:00

2day's quite an enjoyable day for me yeahz.. hahaz woke up around 9 plus 2day.. den left hm like around 11 .. reached kap earliest lor.. and none of the other feedbackers there yet.. haahz.. even pradz late la.. lol in the end only 5 of us were there.. di, yu, christ, pradz and me.. hahaz.. so sad.. toked abt the shirt.. and ogl camp stuff lorz.. den meeting over liaoz.. i wanna play pool.. so i told hwee changed our meeting time to 3.30 lol :p played till 3.00 liddat.. den go to the bustop... so qiao! hwee pass by nj bustop in her 67 bus.. haha.. so she stopped at hcjc bustop..wearing nj polo TEE!! lol so surprising... den we took 961 to ikea to shop shop.. wah.. walked like 1 and half hours around ikea.. very big la.. ahah and hwee choose and put back so many times.. =p walked until dunno where the exit is.. den eat the ikea hot dog.. man... i hate mustard lol =p den later we head to causeway point in 961.. opposite direction.., wahh.. journey super long sia.. and we tok cok along the journey... hahaz causeway pt there liaoz.. den walk around.. helped her carry stuff lor.. den went to eat at swensens.. i treated her =p ate bake rice.. shiokk... hahaz den later i juz sent her home lor.. and i went home.. juz reached hm only .. abit tired hahaz.. but rather interesting day =]

i ran! lol

2004-12-19T22:27:00.001+08:00

2day woke up at around 11 plus.. hahaz.. den played computer games.. till around 6 plus.. decided to go jog.. finally ...den my dad suddenly say wanna jog also.. so he drove us to the park connector near my granny;s house to run.. lol i ran only 2.4 km.. den felt like dying.. and i ran extra 600 m only after that.. sighz.. really needo exercise more sia.. or i gonna die next year =/

delivery day

2004-12-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

2day was the day to deliver the presents to the kids of the cancer patients... woke up super early..reached ncc at 8 am.. hahaz.. den when i reached there..the others were like all busy doing stuff lol.. alritez. den nvm.. i was being partnered wif these 3 bankers.. david.. susan and lai yoke.. we are dispatched to the hougang region to deliver to 5 families lor.. hahaz and it happens that.. david is actually my neighbour! lol.. juz live beside my house.. yeahz.. den all the families stay around hougang.. haah so tempted to go home..the first family was very appreciative when they received the gift.. one particular one.. the patient's sis receive it and was rather shocked and surprised.. think the patient nvr disclosed abt his health condition =/ quite sad sia.. my group was the first to finish deliver haha den i was back first at ncc.. den waited for the rest..think can get like 80 hrs cip lol of this project.. quite meaningful project.. den all of us, gerard, kenny, brent, khad, candace, jason, julian, derrick, hui yang, wee chiew, and me of cuz.. went to ps to eat at ps...lol after eating at ps rite.. we went to carrefour to buy ice creams.. the 6.50 for 16 sticks one lol.. when we bought and ate outside carrefour... it was all melted la.. pull the ice cream out.. only the stick came out lol... den all very flaccid one.. den we went to complain.. and got another box hahahz.. so in the end.. its like 32 chocs for 6.50 lol for 12 of us =p yeahz.. den later we went to cine to play lan.. so shiok.. hahaz.. =p played CS lol den later i headed to my granny's house for dinner.. steam boat sia.. hahaz.. but didnt eat much.. so i'm damn hungry now... waiting for supper liaoz.. sighz.. hardly have a chance to use computer man.. i wanna play games.. and chat =p

Silk Star - Forever

2004-12-17T19:23:00.000+08:00

Baby baby...
Forever...

Chorus
Love you forever till the end of time
Love you forever though there's nothing to find
Caught up emotions that's the way i feel
And baby this is real

Love you forever share my love with you
Living together do the things you do
And baby i'm leaving
Baby i'm leaving
*repeat chorus

Tried to find you
Tried to care
But i cant go on
Searching for words and sights again
Fun doesnt make me strong
Now i am running far away
It makes me even harder to say
I'm sorry
(oh i'm sorry)
Baby i'm sorry

*repeat chorus

POOL TABLE IN NJC

2004-12-17T18:45:00.000+08:00

haha yess.. if u guys still dunno... NJC GOT A NEW POOL TABLE hahahahhaz.. located right inside students lounge.. it was there on tues.. yep but the quality abit sucky.. but still playable.. can train everyday.. like 2day.. went to school at 10 liddat.. parents drove me.. haha so shiok.. played whole day.. till around noon time den went PS to eat BK.. wah. BK got this new drink.. its called some flavour shot .. put inside sprite.. den turns blue.. the taste rox man! i love it hahaz den later went back to nj to play pool.. hahaz till like 5 plus.. nobody in school liaoz.. den decided to went home... tml gonna deliver gifts to little kids hehe.. SANTA CLAUSE siazzz =]

*wait.. the best part is that.. mrs cheng doesnt noe about this pool tabLE! lol it costs us $1800... one of the VP approved only hahaz.. now its free to play.. but we councillors keep the cues and balls la.. when school reopen we will chargE! muahahaAHAHAHHAhaha very hard to maintain sia.. yeahz.. expensive

gift wrapping day

2004-12-17T00:05:00.001+08:00

hmm supposedly ytd haha yeahz.. morning had to go to National Cancer Centre (NCC) for cip ... reached mrt at 8.35 liddat.. lol only saw brent at the control station.. where's the rest? are they gonna belate? we waited till like 8.50 den i smsed pradeep.. lol they are at the old section of the outtram mrt.. waiting for us.. haahz lol den we went to the tutorial room of the ncc.. started gift wrapping.. first time in my life sia.. hahaz.. hmm very sad that some children wont be getting what they asked for.. cuz the lousy bankers didnt buy... haha think we buy will be alot better.. finished wrapping at around 11 plus.. at this time.. we noticed.. keefe! .. and sometime kenny.. flirting wif the RJC council girl named ivy lol she's helping us in this project.. yep hahaz.. =p after eating lunch at the houseman cafe...wanted to go back nj play pool.. me brent and deepp.. but deep pang seh us ... lol have to go home.. so i decided to head home as well.. played computer game until now... gonna sleep liaoz.. good morning =p

sighz

2004-12-15T21:36:00.000+08:00

sighz.. such a empty day for me... did nothing whole day.. was feeling tired.. throughout...i really dunno what i am doing nowz...=/ kinda confused.. kinda tired.. kinda dunno what's going on.

Should i juz give up ? or shld i continue and hope like i've always did?

MAFIA NJC

2004-12-15T00:34:00.000+08:00

Dont mess with us !

my first proper entry hahaz

2004-12-14T19:01:00.000+08:00

yeahz.. i'm gonna tok abt ytd and 2day.. yep.. ytd was monday.. went out wif hwEe from 3pm to 10 pm liddat hahaz.. tiring but enjoyable. ytd we met at ps.. haha and she didnt noe which mrt stop it was at first =p so blur ar... den we walked arn ps.. den we walked to heerens first.. den suay sia.. sharon and runyu spotted us lol ... surely crap alot one.. but nvm ..den later jalan jalan to taka.. bought sushi to eat.. den walk walk to wisma.. den decide to head to city hall suntec city linkz.. we had dinner at marina square new opened food court.. i didnt have appetite lol.. the wanton mee i got .. noodles sux but the wanton is nice hahaz. Afterwhich we head to walk along the bay outside esplanade.. it was already nite time.. yeahz.. the view was nice.. den walked to ONE fullerton and walked back.. hahaz.. went up the esplanade terrace roof to enjoy the wind abit.. den later i sent hWee home.. yepz.. so glad it didnt rained ytd.. hope she enjoyed herself ytd hahaz =]

Alritez let's tok abt 2day ... went school for pubstunt filming... me suppose to act as the boss of the mafia gang la.. lol i cant act out the italian speaker so had to voice over by shaun.. hahaz its damn funny .. the entire video.. gonna entertain the next year j1s i'm sure.. we wanted to have lunch.. but it was delayed till around 5 plus.. lol its considered dinner already la.. but i decided to head home la.. cuz my mum kinda pissed wif me these dayz.. shld juz head home for dinner lorz.. hai~ sianz =/ but nvm.. i hope everyone is doing fine around me.. hols ending.....i havent even collect my holiday hw from the maths letter tray lol =]

hmm

2004-12-12T17:16:00.000+08:00

hmm... so far so good wif my blog now.. still not enuff for me.. i'm not gonna stop editing hahaz..gonna make it better..den slowly link up everyone's blog.

yay.. damn tagboard

2004-12-12T14:32:00.000+08:00

finally got this stupid tag board on... lol took me damn long

ok!

2004-12-12T02:15:00.000+08:00

hahaz finally.. getting hang of this html shitZ! hahaz.. took me very long to figure out how to use the html coding again... well.. this is for the moment.. i'll make it look better yeahz =]

My first blog hahaz

2004-12-11T15:50:00.000+08:00

hEy heyz ..this is heng here hahaz... creating my first blog.. hmm my dad coming home...crapz... looks like i'll write a proper intro next time =/